Quirkbag Collection #29 – 30.01.26
You can be in a rut or feel stuck in life regardless of age and lifestyle. I am in the stage of my life now where figuring things out is the only way to move my life forward – from curiosity to hobbies, side projects and freelance work with no formal schedule. There is no ‘school’ or ‘career’ structure. Despite the lack of external pressure, the internal pressure to find my way or make progress, is just as real. And we all know that we are our own harshest inner critics.
Simply making it through the day without clear markers of progress ‘upwards’ can place you in a rut over time. I am in an extremely blissful but possibly still anxiety-inducing phase as I wait to begin university, with free time ready to be spent.
It’s blissful because I don’t HAVE to do anything. I can simply choose to accept the outcomes of doing NOTHING – which then is (usually) NOTHING. In that case, there is no progress towards anything tangible. Choosing to tolerate a lack of self-development, curiosity, learning and preparation for the future is not inherently wrong.
But in those moments alone, you can feel yourself plagued with an indescribable sense of overall malaise. It’s not that bad, but it is not that great. And you can’t shake that feeling.
That could be the start of a rut.
The Rut – What Is It?
The rut, what exactly is it? I find it to be a feeling of malaise and ‘stuckness’ that accompany any general phase of life. Despite having all the freedom to do whatever I want, whenever I want, however I want, I was shocked to realise that freedom and flexibility do not immediately lead to happiness or newfound purpose. It leads to relief. Perhaps serenity and reduced stress, but not fulfillment. And that, I find to be the crux of being in a rut.
Remember, being in a rut is a HUMAN experience, ageless, genderless and timeless. The crux is receiving meaning and alignment from your work, relationships and lifestyle. More importantly, it is resonance between your lifestyle and your values that prevents you from falling into dry, discouraging ruts. The lack of it, over an extended period of time, easily leads you into a rut.
In trying to ‘figure things out’ in my life, I learned about the Beta-Region Paradox, a phenomenon that describes how people jump out of dire-most situations more easily than mediocre ones because mediocrity is easily tolerated compared to extreme discomfort. This leads to stagnation across domain(s) in life.
The Beta-Region is the region of tolerating mediocrity. That’s the general phase of life you might be in now where you realise that your past (routine) actions no longer fulfil you. You’re just tolerating the habits.
Knowing this paradox gives you a chance to label your current phase in life as a rut – where your current actions do not resonate emotionally with your values. And this empowers you to take action.
Avoiding Confrontation With The Rut
As I navigate my liminal space, it is room for an infinite volume of possibilities. That can be intimidating.
Afterall, how can you choose?
I have been tempted to squeeze so much into what time I have but was stopped only by reasoning that a busy life is not equivalent to a meaningful life. It’s so easy to get caught up with filling our time with ‘things’ and ‘tasks’ to avoid confronting the deeper problem. Working more without purpose, for the sake of it, because we’re used to it, is denial – avoiding confrontation with the rut.
Why?
Well, lessons from the crux of the books ‘Four Thousand Weeks’, ‘The Five Types Of Wealth’ (not sponsored, purely my recommendation) and ‘Reasons Not To Worry’ tell us that life is short and time passes quickly as a human being, usually faster than you think. Knowing that our time is finite can push us to avoid confronting mortality. It becomes uncomfortable sitting with the fact that we willingly kill time, waste time, squander it loosely without reason.
As such, I have warranted disdain for the use of ‘wait’ in the context of life events. And you should too. ‘Waiting’ implies a passive, restrained activity in the context of living your life. As if your life is ‘paused’, you ‘wait’ by simply letting time pass before you begin the next formal structure of life where life ‘starts’ again.
That’s a lie.
Working, or being busy, tricks us into thinking we’re creating value or meaning for our lives, even if they have stopped being either. We just want to think we are, because otherwise, we have to deal with change. By doing more and more of the same work, there is temporary relief…until there isn’t.
Ironically, understanding that lesson on mortality does not always compel enough change. Instead, it drives distraction for those who deny facing finitude.
Getting Into A Rut
We never usually expect ourselves getting into a rut because we toy with fancy romanticised versions of our lives. But for those who may work dead-end shifts, routine shifts, with repetitive monotonous tasks, it becomes extremely easy to question your sense of being and purpose.
If we all felt overwhelming joy and meaning in the work we do, including those doing dreaded shift work, then the rut may not even exist.
But it does…
We get into a rut (usually unwittingly) when our emotions and values toward our lives have grown with time. We become different versions of ourselves as we grow, and if our work or lifestyles remain rooted in the past, it becomes easy to feel detached or ‘stuck’.
It could be an old job that no longer fulfils your life goals or values. It could be inspiration for something new and different. When you put off wanting to move towards curiosity and inspiration in the big picture, you slowly create a rut for yourself where you feel disengaged.
Getting Out Of A Rut
Getting out of this malaise-like slump of a rut can be easier than you think. It comes in two parts.
Part One – Clarity of Mind
First, regaining clarity of mind. For most of us, it can be a simple atelic task that is done long enough for us to clear our mind. I like starting by looking out of my room window across the highway and low-rise residential areas to create a sense of space. Visually seeing space helps bring me mental space. This step helps put you in a state of awareness, to look at your life rather than from it.
Here are some of my other favourites:
- Attend a course (anything that is curiosity-driven)
- Take a walk (alone with no distraction like music or podcasts)
- Journal freestyle with 1 starting prompt or your current dominant thought
- Ask a friend about their thoughts on their phase of life (or ask ChatGPT)
- Do something spontaneous (watch a film/make coffee/read a book)
The only restriction is that it must be done for a while without digital distraction or comparison with others. The reset is about you. Not you in relation to others.
Just YOU.
What does your heart feel like doing now for sheer fun?
Part Two – Finding Resolution
Surprisingly, there are times when a rut can be resolved by just reminding ourselves why we do what we do. In regaining clarity of mind, we can regain our initial sense of motivation from the reason we started. Finding resolutions can be as easy as finding reasons for your work and life.
But if not, we can take action. The clarity of mind allows you to reflect on what you need most – whether it’s self-love, self-development, creating community impact, deepening relationships, connecting with nature or others. This gives you a general direction(s) for how to begin modifying your life.
Your aim becomes to find a way to connect your values to something in that domain of life. If you know your main job has no room at all to accommodate your newfound values or ideals in life, it’s probably time to look into working on a small hobby or build a new habit. Do something beyond your current routine.
If you want deeper relationships, read up a bit on how social connection works and ask a friend out. Or if you want to broaden your skillsets or expand your knowledge, learn something new for the fun of it. It’s especially effective at dealing with ruts when you do it genuinely for yourself, with no intended economic returns.
For me, I write this blog as a way to document my life, share some stories and also to raise a mirror to myself whenever life throws a curveball. It’s my way of creating something different. It’s my resolution to my wandering mind and phase of life.
And I do hope you seek inspiration and strength to discover more about yourself and your life by getting out your rut and finding resolutions.
Cheers.
Thanks For Reading. Click Those Arrows!
Teleport home below!
Experience more serendipity below!
