Tag: Quarterlife Crisis

Lost In Life In My 20s

Quirkbag Collection #31 – 13.02.26

We’re too afraid to admit that we are lost in life sometimes. That’s understandable. I know I am. But I’ll say it first: I feel lost in my 20s, and increasingly so. And I am not alone.

We’re so used to being on ‘the right path’, or any path for that matter, that when we see no clear path ahead, we instantly feel lost. School does not prepare you for this sense of uncertainty about who you are, neither does the military. That leaves me at life’s crossroads, stuck and lost.

Recently I have begun trying to embrace this sense of ‘lostness’, to be momentarily present and intentional about what to do next. To navigate the unknown and uncharted phase of life.

I question what if it is not so bad to feel this ‘lostness’? Maybe it gives you the chance to find yourself again, in this phase of life. But more about this later.

What Do You Do?

The most common question I get these days from peers and relatives or family is ‘So what do you do now?’ My response, well…boring.

‘I work part-time.’

That means ‘I don’t really know’ in my mind.

But it’s true. Most of us out there (you who might be reading this) don’t always really know exactly what to do. We just…do.

So what do you do?

Something I have intentionally tried to prioritise is to find out who I am again, without school, without the military, without the external formal influences. And it’s both scary and exciting to explore and risk getting lost in this period to find out who I really am.

Then, how do we really know who we are? How can you describe your entire identity?

Deliberately exploring life is not that easy to do, or explain.

I am lost in life mostly because I don’t really know who I am nor what to pursue. Yet, it is this lack of direction that brings the best opportunity for self-discovery. There is nothing holding you back from doing random things just for experiences.

A certain anxiety also comes with the lack of confidence in your own identity, in not fully being able to “be you” because you don’t really know who you are. But that’s to be expected.

That said, we don’t always like the idea of our free time being spent roaming and wandering instead of ‘productively’ (busily) doing things. Intentionally exploring beyond the traditional perimeters and comfort zones can feel tedious, nerve-wrecking and almost futile because not everything or every experience feels beneficial.

I feel that urge to stop pursuing the unknown and revert to the comfort zone. Despite having free time, we revert to the default. We revert to the most familiar, most socially conventional thing.

Our Default Response

Work.

We seem to have become hardwired to work and default to work whenever we have time. It’s unhealthy for me because I realised that even as I try to spend time doing new things, atelic things, to re-discover myself, the productivity switch in my brain never turns off.

That acts like a subconscious magnet that pulls me towards work. Towards the socially accepted answer – work – because it’s seemingly productive.

Working In A Uniform (That Looks Like Some Star Trek Costume)

We too often lump the things we do with the person we are. It’s easily observable in school where students (myself included) find the lines between self-worth, identity and academic work to be blurred. It takes effort to remind myself now that who I am is not directly or even indirectly tied to the things I do or the outcomes.

Working draws you away from the fear or disappointment you may feel if you really went on a quest to explore yourself and your life.

But a human being is not a human doing.

So perhaps, we should judge others by their being; the intrinsic qualities, and understand their flaws. Seneca writes, ‘we must agree to go easy on one another’. There is kindness and clarity in seeing and valuing others independent of their work.

I hope to still be of worth even when I fail at something many times over.

The default to work should be re-examined, at least individually. I find work, no matter how compelling as an activity, to still be a means of distraction from the real daunting task you might have – looking deeply at yourself and finding out who you actually are now. It is merely a distraction from that greater, scary quest.

Work, as the default response, is the easier alternative to being lost.

Finding ~~Nemo~~ Yourself

Yet, it is only in being lost that you can find yourself again.

Yet Another Work Uniform Change
(I promise it’s not random clothes I have)

The book ‘Tiny Experiments’ taught me that it’s not inherently bad to be between formal phases or caught in limbo. It’s a space that allows you to try plenty of different changes and tasks with little consequence.

The opportunity to discover or reinvent yourself comes as soon as you embrace this sense of ‘lostness’, as I am trying to in this phase of life.

Another Version Of Myself In Another Work Uniform

Being lost is conventionally frowned upon, and it’s hard dealing with that supposed societal pressure to find a path or DO something. But (and this is perhaps a reminder to myself) it is your life and yours to shape and discover. It’s daunting to imagine having or living in a way beyond that which we are used to in our lives.

Yet it is precisely this fear, alongside ‘lostness’, that tells you (and me) that you are starting to live for yourself. And that change can happen for you rather than to you.

Finding yourself and shaping a newer identity comes eventually, when you move on from the limbo phase and take with you a newfound piece of life – whether a hobby, a friend, an attitude, a skill etc.

But I feel the takeaway adds to your identity; embracing it solidifies your new self. But until then, I (and you) have to embrace the bumpy thrill in between chapters where life is unplanned, serendipitous and combat the urge to “work”.

Change Out of Work Uniform at A Restaurant

Indeed, my path is unclear. I am lost and certainly wandering (wondering too) in curiosity. I try to remember this line I came across: “Everything is a win when your goal is to experience.”

To better places, more adventurous stories and finding yourself.

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February 13, 2026
Lost In Life: “What Should I Do?”

Quirkbag Collection #21 – 05.12.25

I am now in a strange period of time before starting university. I have 9 free months in totality – almost a gap year – before school starts. From now, there’s 8 months left. 8 months is a lifetime back in JC or high school. Days felt so long back then. Yet as of late, I find myself thinking: ‘What should I do?’

Nowadays, I am confronted by some of the bigger questions in life, the ones that school only mentions in passing before hustling you to the classroom for more lessons to pass your exams.

Do these sound familiar?

‘I don’t know what I really want to do.’

‘How will I make money in future?’

‘What should I do in this period of free time? I need to spend my time well now.’

‘What if I end up like those people hating their jobs?’

ENOUGH! You’re asking the right questions, like I am, but asking them all at once is a successful way to be overwhelmed. The next thing you know, you’ll be crippled in bed by anxiety.

The To-Not List

If you have things on your mind that you’d like to do, but have not come around to doing them (for all sorts of valid reasons you think you have), try NOT making a To-Do list. Yes, that’s right. Instead, make something like a To-Not list.

There is a suggestion attributed to Warren Buffett that you make a list of 25 things you would like to do, and circle the top 5. Place those 5 in another list, and instead of just focusing on those 5, you want to IGNORE entirely anything related to the 20 remaining things.

You might have come across this idea if you read some productivity/self-help book or watched some YouTube video. I learnt about this through “The 5 Types of Wealth” by Sahil Bloom, a book I recommend reading if you have the time to ponder about the bigger life questions. This book cuts through much of the modern BS we are accustomed to living in to unravel what truly matters to us. To you.

I struggled very much when deciding what to do for this period of time. I desperately wanted to ‘maximise’ this time. If you’re someone who constantly tries to optimise for productivity and performance, you’ll spend much time trying to squeeze in so many things you ‘want to do’ in this time. So much that it only satisfies your mind.

In reality, at the end of the day, you inevitably think ‘I didn’t do as much as I thought I would’. And the cycle goes on.

An Idea To Try Random Things

So, how do you overcome the “What should I do” obstacle? Well, I first discovered what this period of time is. Well, you can’t solve a problem you can’t define, right?

Ali Abdaal introduced it to me as ‘liminal space’. And so began my marvelous idea of trying random things in exploration.

Since I did not really anything in mind to do, I decided that regardless of what I did, so long as they are new and different things, I’d always gain something from the experience. Even if it was just the experience itself. Sometimes, the experience and stories are worth the effort.

You might think, “yeah, but I need to make money.” But unless the concern is so desperately urgent for today, consider how you actually have a lifetime to “earn money”; but you don’t have a lifetime of liminal space.

You, and I, will never get this era of life back. Most of the “later” and “someday” never come. And that scares me. Sometimes this is how the ideas become regrets, and the only chance to prevent that is now.

What do you have for “Later” and “Someday”?

Going for that summer beach trip with friends?

Diving to see marine reefs?

Reading that one book you keep thinking about?

Failure Is The Bill For Learning

There is no ‘life’ subject in school. You don’t learn how to live a life, because you can do it in so many ways. But growing up Asian, ‘successful life’, ‘good life’, and ‘the-only-acceptable-proper life’ always meant graduating university, getting a job, working at that job for decades and hopefully retiring to ‘enjoy the golden years’.

Experiences and abstract notions like joy and happiness were conveniently omitted (for sound reasons, I am certain). After all, how can anyone define your happiness, right?

You learn as you go, as I am now, through random experiences and actions. Sometimes I just want to stop doing everything and do absolutely nothing. And that’s perfectly fine. You just have to tolerate your brain pestering you endlessly with ‘be productive’ and ‘need to work’ like me.

It’s a cruel mind game. You can’t win.

In fact, you always lose.

An Excuse To Hide From Life

It’s incredibly comfortable to do only familiar things for a long time. (Maybe that’s how some people work decades at the same job.) But if you are like me, 20, able to do and try anything, this is as much time freedom and empowerment you’ll ever get before the “life overhead” gets to you.

This is where your story truly begins, where your adventure takes off. Like every hero in the movie, you face a choice: do the hard, crazy and heroic thing or pretend like nothing happened, shy away and wind up living life like Bill Murray in Groundhog Day (another classic by the way).

Short of throwing caution out the window, just consider doing that one thing you’ve been curious about, or afraid to try. Because if failure is going to hurt you, the time it hurts least will be now, when you have nothing to lose. AT ALL.

Now, doing anything and failing the first time will suck, believe me because I tried. But you get to choose between giving up and trying again like that hero in the movie.

But this is your movie.

So if you need a push, as Ali Abdaal says, ‘Do it for the plot.’

Just Trying For Fun

Liminal space is liberating. For me, I have never had this much time and freedom to try and learn and explore. Yes, it is fortunate. If this has not been enough to convince you to try something adventurous (and this could be going to the cinema alone, or riding a bicycle all day across town…), if it has not convinced you to do something incredible for yourself, to stack experiences, then maybe nothing will.

My first Jet-Ski ride, because there’s never a “good time” for this. And I am never regretting just trying this for fun.

It was badass.

A razor that I heard from Alex Hormozi: “Shame? Shame is your downside? …. You’re gonna die. And so are they.”

So that scary thing at the back of your mind? Try it. Keep that experience. And live to fight another day.

Some day you’ll either forget it ever happened or you’ll share the memories as you tell your stories. Either way, you lose nothing and gain everything.

“What should I do?”

Why not start with that thing you’ve always wanted to try? You might never stop.

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December 5, 2025