Quirkbag Collection #60 – 20.09.26
I once read that the hardest thing in anyone’s life was done at the moment they were born. When we were pulled out from the womb’s warm comfortable environment where food, water, air, and everything else we could possibly need were given to us. We were forced to adapt to a completely new living environment on our own, without warning or experience. To breathe on our own, eat on our own, speak, walk and eventually grow up. And yet, here we are, all individuals of our own being. The irony is that we never remember how uncomfortable, painful or even traumatic that experience was. Any discomfort we had simply faded into the abyss of our premature brains’ memory. Living as we do now is all that we know to be normal, as far as we recall.
Discomfort Is A Multi-Headed Beast
Somewhere between the ages of 14 to 18, the talk about how discomfort is a good thing started becoming ubiquitous for me in school. Yet it was not a central focus but a peripheral one. It subtly sneaked itself into the mass education of students, reminding us every so often to embrace the discomfort. They say that discomfort helps us grow; that it builds character and resilience; that it prepares us for bigger challenges; that we are better for having faced it. But how much do we really learn about discomfort?
Discomfort is such a natural occurrence and feeling, even in modern life when the impetus for societal and technological growth is convenience, comfort and efficiency. Perhaps what they fail to emphasize is that discomfort takes many forms. Physical, mental, emotional, personal and even psychological. Some of the differences are subtle, but you kind of know it when you feel it.
If you are at the gym, discomfort is muscle fatigue. If you are in school, discomfort is talking to a new classmate (or a girl). Or if you are at work, discomfort is finding and grappling with the limits of your current skills. If you are facing a quarter or mid-life crisis (and that on its own is more than discomfort), a great deal of pain and struggle comes from the lack of direction and meaning in life. Clearly, no one size fits all solution exists to push past discomfort.
Yes, discomfort is a messy and convoluted experience that evolves with your situation. Surely you (and all of us) have been there. Worse still, you can be uncomfortable in multiple ways at once, leaving you confused, overwhelmed and probably incapacitated.
And yet, “we should embrace the discomfort”.
Discovering Discomfort In Life
Discomfort is like a rare Pokemon, you cannot really place a finger as to where, when or how you might find it – but it just appears and catches you off guard most of the time. And usually it comes right as you least expect it.
“But what about when I order something off the menu and I ask a bunch of questions about it and I get this feeling in the pit of my stomach?”
“Or when I have to give a speech in public?”
That is classic discomfort rearing its head as anxiety. We say “we’re scared” and “I’m nervous” but we never usually say “I feel discomfort”, even if that is what it is. Discomfort manifests itself in many ways throughout trivial and everyday moments in life. Some so small that we just neglect the feeling and normalise it like a passing rainfall. For some, that can be good news – a sign of adapting to overcome the discomfort through constant exposure and experience.
Sometimes, just sitting alone can be uncomfortable, especially if I take away your all-time favourite distraction device – your phone. Discomfort levels easily spike (try it if you are skeptical) when we no longer have that crutch. We have to live with our own thoughts and our surroundings. What a challenge for the average person in modern society, right?
The Dreamer’s Dream – Delayed Gratification
One of the bigger discomforts I face is the conundrum between choosing the future and living in the present reality. Choosing the future means sacrificing the present – whether that is in work-life balance or health and fitness. But living a life optimised for the future is rarely the way to achieve satisfaction or peace in the present, unless you have a truly clear and decided perspective of your life. And for a 21 year-old, I take it personally that I should just “figure it out”, especially if people in their 30s, 40s and 50s are still struggling.
The dreamer hopes to one day live their dream, but the dream can never become reality if the dreamer only ever dreams. Choosing the future over the present has a famous name – delayed gratification. Mainstream advice tells you about the children with marshmallows and the coveted benefit of higher academic achievements. But they never really mention the price of that choice.
Regardless of age or lifestyle, this is a perennial conundrum built into the nature of our existence. The discomfort that arises from that tension is partly due to our inability to have our cake and eat it too. How might we accept that our lives may never be lived to the fullest today because we are always focused on the future?
The children who resisted eating the marshmallow were “guaranteed” the reward of more marshmallows after a few minutes. Easy. But across our lives, how would we ever know if we will get to eat the other marshmallows? Or if we will even survive to see that marshmallow?
Ironically, delayed gratification is easier to visualise and accept in school, where there are guaranteed timelines for academic outcome when the “waiting” ends.
The Fisherman And The Business Owner
Discomfort is not a mathematical equation. It cannot be resolved neatly. The emotional rollercoaster that comes with love and relationships is purely illogical and rarely understood. And all of us are in the same boat navigating the sea of discomfort. Choosing the future over the present, or vice versa, does not have a correct answer – both have price tags that all of us must pay. The discomfort may then never be resolved or removed because the conundrum exists so long as we exist.
The story of the fisherman and the banker is rather popular and relevant (maybe almost cliche) among the aspiring-entrepreneurs/founder-type people. The fisherman goes out to sea every day to catch fishes for himself and sells the rest for money to buy wine. He cooks his fish, enjoys his wine and plays music at night, enjoying the night before repeating this tomorrow. One day, a businessman observes his life and tells him that he should catch more fish in the day, sell all the extra, save the money to hire other fishermen and buy more boats so that he can eventually stop fishing himself while the others do it for him. The fisherman asks “What would I do then?” The businessman replies “Then, you can buy wine, play your music, and enjoy the night.”
The discomfort of choosing the future over today may easily be analysed using a comparison of what actually changes in the future. If we have clarity over the life we really want, part of that discomfort fades because we know if we are headed in the right direction. There is no single cause of discomfort, but a lack of self-assurance and alignment of how we live our lives certainly plays a huge role.
Discomfort Has No Perfect Answer
School taught me how to always find a way to get the right answer, because the right answer is what matters. If you are like me, then you struggle with discomfort all the time, finding a definite answer where it does not exist.
Discomfort does not have an answer. It comes alongside change, uncertainty, new challenges and all the ugly stuff we never really want but face anyways. Indeed, it helps us grow and build ourselves, but it also sucks.
I hate the saying “be comfortable being uncomfortable”. We may be made to face challenges, but it does not mean we always have to be challenged. Discomfort is a part of progress in life. Sitting in the discomfort is how we may find a way forward or the parts of ourselves to improve. But it is also just an indicator as you choose whether to engage in the discomfort and work through it or simply avoid it.
So if you are facing discomfort, choose to move through it, or away from it. Either way, the sky shall not be collapsing.
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Hi! I’m Zac, the guy behind this serendipitous, quirky blog. I’m currently on a quest to find out more about myself – who I am and what life has to offer. This blog is my little space where I step out of my comfort zone to share my thoughts and life experiences. I hope you enjoy reading the weekly posts. Share them if you like, or not.
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