Quirkbag Collection #59 – 13.09.26
This week, something incredible happened. No, the sun still rose from the East, in case you were wondering. I received an email from my mathematics tutor in university in which he kindly thanked me and my friends for our participation and attention in class. Exactly, wow. In what can feel like an aloof and laissez-faire environment, the effort taken to express his appreciation felt so damn human – something we have perhaps forgotten to be.
Of course, this unexpected gesture surprised me (and made my day). It seems completely unusual that a token of appreciation would come out of nowhere from a tutor. Nonetheless, the message was both soothing for a heart aching from study and a peek into the powers of humanity – the social magic that kindness has.
The Easy Way Out
I grew up with the well-intentioned cautionary tale – “stranger danger”. To steer clear; assume the worst. Of course, that made sense for a child. But as with all “operating procedures” that were imposed upon Asian kids, unexpected outcomes arise down the line.
The power of strangers lies beneath the surface of a single gesture of kindness. A chance encounter met with kindness can lead to all sorts of crazy, memorable experiences that you otherwise might never have had (think “Lost In Translation”). It almost hurts to know that being nice is a rarity, and more so when you think of the possibilities denied.
Kindness is a choice to express our humanity, a small way by which we can feel slightly better about ourselves and our day. But we so often pick the other way out. It feels far easier to go with what we have been programmed to do – just mind our own business and give no damns about the people we cross paths with everyday. Out of sight, out of mind.
Fair enough, it may not entirely be our fault. We are the way we are now because of our upbringing. Perhaps then, we have to ask ourselves if denying our kindness and humanity still serves us in our lives.
Surely, we can share a little more kindness when we get a chance. More often than not, the people we meet in our everyday lives are just like us – so caught up in our own frustrations and errands that any disruption to our “heads-down, phone-out” routine feels uncomfortably weird. Gone are the days of spontaneously striking up conversations with strangers or charitably paying for someone’s coffee (not that we all should).
The Meet-Cute Irony
When you really think about it, the swooning effect rom-coms have on us work partly because we fundamentally believe in the raw connection between strangers. Without believing that two strangers can find themselves in each other, that a relationship can somehow blossom from nothing, no rom-com meet cute would ever work (and many might complain about these unrealistic set-ups).
Setting aside feasibility and probability, some rom-com meet-cutes are also inspired by real life situations, just injected with creative liberties. But more importantly, when audiences balk at “rom-coms” these days being cringey, unrealistic, or even old-fashioned, just imagine how people used to meet! Yeah, that’s right – by chance, in real life, as strangers!
The convenience modern technology affords us might have misled us to think there is some sophisticated way to form connections without the friction of meeting strangers that requires our capacity for kindness (or friendliness). Try baking chocolate chip cookies without chocolate chips!
Is people no longer expressing kindness to strangers for whatever reasons more concerning than people forgetting that kindness is how strangers become friends?
Again, I really see how technology can lure us apart physically. Somewhere along the way, our (addiction to) digital presence has obscured our humanity. The kindness required to overcome the barrier of unfamiliarity between strangers has been forgotten. We have forgotten how to be kind for no reason at the cafe, or the supermarket or the carpark.
What You Do Matters
Kindness is a virtue, we all know that. Kindness is also a choice, some of us know that. But kindness is also social magic. Who knew?
Have you ever watched those YouTube street interview videos where someone goes up to random strangers and strikes up a friendly conversation? It might have been a social experiment or some pick-up line – well, that is just the Internet being itself. But beyond the entertainment value, some of us feel in awe of the confidence and empowerment for someone to do that.
And yet, that is all it takes to make “tribes”. What you do, really matters, to you and to them.
But kindness is not always obvious. Luckily, knowing a person over time allows us to infer their kindness. Alex Hormozi makes the distinction between being kind and being nice – where being kind can sometimes feel like a punch in the gut.
In many ways, we are nurtured by the kindness of strangers. The first time we met the teacher who would go on to believe and encourage us; the first time we met a classmate who would go on to be our best friend; the first time a stranger smiled at us and said “hello” along the corridor. In hindsight, we find that things could have been better, people could have been nicer. Yet, we could have been better, friendlier, kinder too.
What you do matters. We always have a choice, to be kind just to be kind. To do right by us, by our values, by our friends, by humanity, even if it might hurt. Sometimes we lack the clarity to pick the right choice, but know that your kindness cannot be taken away, not unless you choose to abandon it.
Kindness Is Our Humanity
Looking back at my initial reaction to receiving that email from my tutor, I see now that my surprise came from an acceptance that random gestures of kindness or appreciation are museum relics. Never would I have imagined that someone would take this initiative. That is both saddening and hopeful.
“Kindness is costless but also priceless”
Warren Buffett
You might have read this before. Read it again. Humanity is a function of our kindness.
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Hi! I’m Zac, the guy behind this serendipitous, quirky blog. I’m currently on a quest to find out more about myself – who I am and what life has to offer. This blog is my little space where I step out of my comfort zone to share my thoughts and life experiences. I hope you enjoy reading the weekly posts. Share them if you like, or not.
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