Quirkbag Collection #49 – 21.06.26
Confidence is attractive. But it is also a trap. Like most people, I wish to have more confidence. It is one of those rare traits that exude charisma and trustworthiness. It’s a characteristic that resembles a pillar of strength, a sign of possible leadership.
But more than ever, studying confidence as a concept has left us waiting for it to happen. It’s as though examining confidence in modern society has led to a further lack of it. Sadly, confidence does not just appear. Waiting certainly does not create it.
Why Don’t We Have Confidence?
We’re too afraid. With social media’s extensive coverage and how we have become more cynical, I think more of us are afraid to be vulnerable. We just want to be “right”, we want to feel “validated”, but most of us don’t want to truly stand for something ourselves, not when it might mean being alone.
We don’t have the confidence to be who we are in front of others, let alone the public, because we know there is a more than likely chance of criticism. Instead, we would rather the comfort of the herd than the confidence in solitude.
In other words, we care too much about how others perceive us that we would put up a facade for others. The wiser ones choose not to even portray themselves – they just live privately.
But confidence can still exist privately, right?
Perhaps. But do we have real confidence in our beliefs? Too much and you might be stubborn and conceited. Too little and you can be a pushover. So where does the line get drawn?
Well, when in doubt, look to the philosophers right?
Aristotle had a quote:
“It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.”
It seems a good enough guide that our confidence is towed by the ability to consider and play with other ideas without needing to change our stance. Conceited and close-minded people would never strike you as confident – you’ve probably met them. They are usually defensive. Being confident then comes from your deeper understanding of why something is true or relevant.
What Is True Confidence? Do I Have It?
People follow and respect confidence. We all would choose it if given that choice. Mainstream self-help preaches the “fix your mindset”, “do daily affirmations” and the “fake it till you make it” stuff.
But what does it take? Can we really fake it until we make it?
I don’t think so.
Firstly, no one really wants a leader with “fake confidence”. Authenticity beats appearance. I think most people want a genuine person that will become truly confident rather than one who pretends. Real confidence inspires. Fake confidence is off-putting and irksome. Real confidence is assurance. Fake confidence is ignorance.
You can easily tell real from fake based on the tone and behaviour of a person. Real confidence is powerful on its own – there is a sense of humility and kindness behind it. The fake one is fragile – there is always a need to keep up the appearance, to ensure the image is maintained. Most likely, someone’s ego is tied to their fake confidence.
When you go about your day, run this mental exercise, ask: “Where am I going, to do what?” If you can answer with certainty, you are answering with confidence. And that is the first step to knowing how true confidence feels like. I think it’s just a matter of scaling from there to other skills, knowledge, presentations and more.
There is a peace of mind attached to quiet confidence – almost to the extent of nonchalance – which helps a person navigate situations. With experience, the confidence comes as second nature because the actions to be taken are clear. You are able to guide others based on your experience. Knowing what to do is a solid first step.
Where Does Confidence Come From?
Confidence comes after trying and failing. After a ridiculous number of attempts, you know you have the abilities and skills to overcome hardship. But at the start, we have to do it scared, do it alone, do it wrongly. You don’t need confidence to start anything. The scariest part is doing all the things you have never done and failing all of them.
With enough experience, your actions and responses become second nature. It feels smooth and instinctive.
In sales, the only thing that cannot be accelerated is experience. Putting in the repetitions is the biggest factor for consistent success. Top performers always knew what to say, how to say it and when to walk away. But not me. And yes, a long time ago, they were novices like me too. Over time, their experience has given them pattern recognition skills and refined their techniques.
Confidence can be spread temporarily. Being around confident people can subtly boost your own confidence. When you’re in a winning team, you feel strong and invincible even when you may not be the main contributor. When you’re around the people whom you trust, you have confidence in their abilities.
While others can imbue confidence in you, that feeling tends to fade quickly. Without your firm self-belief, confidence is ephemeral. Some confidence than none, but true confidence comes with time, from the internalised lessons of experience.
That is when confidence is yours to have.
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Hi! I’m Zac, the guy behind this serendipitous, quirky blog. I’m currently on a quest to find out more about myself before Uni begins – who I am and what life has to offer. This blog is my little space where I step out of my comfort zone to share my thoughts and life experiences. I hope you enjoy reading the weekly posts. Share them if you like, or not.
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