Quirkbag Collection #56 – 23.08.26
My second week in university just ended. Time truly flies and with it go our lives. I used to think 4 years was a long time. Secondary school felt pretty long back then but feels like 10 minutes in my memory. Recently, the 4 years in university has begun to feel like a really short period. With the countless opportunities readily available, the possibilities are endless. Precisely so, the opportunity costs to every decision and commitment are monumental. How could anyone choose just a few things to try and do, when you feel so compelled towards so much else?
Enter decision-making. Enter the one-way doors. Here lies the conundrum of having options. There is a bittersweet illustration of this from Sylvia Plath in the metaphor of a fig tree.
The Fig Tree Of Life
Before introducing this (somewhat) classic piece of text, I should say I am no literature expert. I do, however, appreciate the deeper sentiment behind the words, as all humans should.
Sylvia Plath wrote,
“I saw my life branching out before me like the green fig tree in the story. From the tip of every branch, like a fat purple fig, a wonderful future beckoned and winked. One fig was a husband and a happy home and children, and another fig was a famous poet and another fig was a brilliant professor, and another fig was Ee Gee, the amazing editor, and another fig was Europe and Africa and South America, and another fig was Constantin and Socrates and Attila and a pack of other lovers with queer names and offbeat professions, and another fig was an Olympic lady crew champion, and beyond and above these figs were many more figs I couldn’t quite make out. I saw myself sitting in the crotch of this fig tree, starving to death, just because I couldn’t make up my mind which of the figs I would choose. I wanted each and every one of them, but choosing one meant losing all the rest, and, as I sat there, unable to decide, the figs began to wrinkle and go black, and, one by one, they plopped to the ground at my feet.”
From “The Bell Jar” by Syvia Plath
Every fig represents a potential future we choose from.
We cannot escape the reality that indecision is a decision. For better or worse, reality unfolds mercilessly regardless of our intention and in it, we get only to choose our own responses. Having options brings benefits only to the extent we exercise those options. In merely keeping the options open, but never really using them, we might as well never have had them.
Going Fig-Picking
The idea behind the whole fig tree is that we all have infinite potential that begins to wane as time passes. Obviously, the struggle to fulfill all possibilities is futile. Being human, we have to accept that our short lives are the sum of several figs which we picked. There is a beauty in seeing a fig tree blossom, and some might extend that to the withering of a fig tree.
We cannot choose how life finds us. But I would like to believe we are walking our own way to find some future version of ourselves; a version we aspire to be, look up to and be satisfied with.
Seizing opportunities can sometimes resemble catching chickens. One in hand is better than two in the bush. Of course, finding out what opportunities are worth pursuing is part of the challenge, one that is complicated because we cannot pick all the figs in the tree. Deciding to pick, and then picking, is by definition living your life.
Part of this process is deciding which figs are worth giving up. We are told more often in modern society that we should challenge the limits. It sounds great in theory, but when the rubber meets the road, reality distorts much of what we expected. Choosing to fulfill our potential in one domain to become some finer version of ourselves includes accepting the trade-offs and opportunity costs of not fulfilling another potential in a different domain.
We cannot have our cake and eat it too, at least not at the same time.
Some paths in life are mutually exclusive. But you can take these paths in succession. You can always try it for a season and revert back, unless you chose a one-way door. In that case, pick the fig well.
Juicing A Fig
In deciding which path to take, or the person we want to become, we eliminate every other alternative. The opportunity cost has been incurred, but hopefully in return for the fig we have chosen – the most important thing right now.
Yet, since our choices are so limited, it seems natural that we should maximise every available opportunity or option to fully “juice the fig”. How could we not juice it dry? How is that fair to the alternate versions of ourselves had we chosen other figs?
We will never know our true potential. We only know we get one shot at life, no do-overs. Does it not sow the seed of regret should we half-ass something we know we had the chance to make successful? Do we not owe it to ourselves, and even the world, to become that finer, if not finest, version of ourselves in that particular fig?
Juicing the fig is practically all art and no science. It merely takes a gut feeling to know when we have pursued the endeavour, or juiced the fig, till the end. And if we get there, we can move on to the next fig knowing it is not to be regretted. Perhaps that, stacked over a lifetime, is a life well-lived.
Reconciling The Mess Of Everything All At Once
I was reminded, quite poignantly, that it is almost guaranteed that we will graduate with a degree from university and that it is what we choose to do beyond that in our 4 years that defines our experience. Beyond that degree, the world is our oyster. Beyond that degree, there is who we are as a person.
It is logical to conclude that we should only focus on the one or two possibilities we really want in our lives rather than fret over the infinite “ifs”. And yes, there is an infinite number of “ifs”.
Indeed, figuring out who we want to be and what steps to take towards it sometimes feels like driving with a blindfold on. But spending time thinking without trying becomes paralysis. More realistically, it is easy to get overwhelmed by the gritty details and tentacles of the current problem that we get bogged down into the weeds, forgetting the whole fig tree.
University is not all sunshine and rainbows as one might romanticise. The problems are hairy and the pressure can (and perhaps has) create diamonds. It can be torturing, soul-crushing, slow and grimy, and even takes our last bit of energy to pull through. And so it is easy to blame and hate the circumstances. But it is not the end.
Perhaps we owe ourselves the reminder that “this is not the part of our life that should feel miserable”, even if it sucks right now. I know I do, especially in university. There is no worse injustice I can do to myself than treating an opportunity like a punishment. It is one thing if the system drives us up the wall; it is another to drive ourselves insane chasing an arbitrary phantom goal to win an unwinnable game.
An Ode To Gratitude
There are countless times when I asked myself if everything leading up to this had been worth it. All the studying and sacrifices that created my current life trajectory. Truth is, we would never know what the alternative is like because we cannot run experiments. Now that I live some version of a “happily ever after”, the past feels easy to write off.
One thing we all feel is that there is more we should achieve. That the grass is greener on the other side, no matter how green ours is. With this comes a burning sense of yearning and inferiority, even jealousy, of others living our opportunity costs and “what ifs”. But again, there are infinite ifs.
Stoicism teaches us gratitude by imagining our lives to be worse than it is now, almost like a cruel way to gain perspective. We may not have everything we want. And we never will. But maybe we do have everything we wanted 5 years ago.
And that, perhaps, is encouraging enough to keep going while learning to be content.
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Hi! I’m Zac, the guy behind this serendipitous, quirky blog. I’m currently on a quest to find out more about myself before Uni begins – who I am and what life has to offer. This blog is my little space where I step out of my comfort zone to share my thoughts and life experiences. I hope you enjoy reading the weekly posts. Share them if you like, or not.
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