Quirkbag

Author: zacyeohs@gmail.com

  • Actually, We Are All Secretly Afraid

    Actually, We Are All Secretly Afraid

    Quirkbag Collection #64 – 18.10.26

    One of the best gifts I ever gave was a little magnet with the quote “We should always explore the things that we are a little afraid of.” When I saw that magnet, it was one of those “aha” moments when you just know it is the right item.

    Till this day, I cannot imagine how different my friend’s life would be had he not been inspired by that line. In fact, sometimes he uses it on me – and well-used it was.

    We like to think we are brave and unafraid, but in reality, most of us are too afraid to admit we are indeed afraid. Fear has that gripping effect that seizes control over our reactions. Even if we think we are not afraid, we might very well still be.

    Indeed, we stand to benefit if we all faced up to some of the things we are a little afraid of. 

    Fear Is A Shapeshifter

    No one is unafraid. Not even those who seem fearless. Fear is just elusive. 

    Humans are all wired to experience fear and the trigger is the only thing that changed. We used to be afraid of life-threatening stimuli like lions or social isolation only. We still are, but now, we are also afraid when someone does not reply to a text message on time. 

    Fear has grown to manifest itself in plenty of ways – some of them deviously well-disguised such that we barely notice its existence. Rest assured, many of our habits and responses stem from some deep-rooted fear that we fail to recognise – so it’s not just you. 

    We think we are anxious when we meet someone new – and yes, some of it is anxiety – but really, more than we care to admit, we are a little scared that we are not liked. To be unapologetically yourself regardless of social situations takes a shrewd mix of confidence and optimism. 

    Perhaps we all want to be charming, but we know not all of us are. Fear becomes the natural response, a fundamental human instinct when the new “tribe” seems to reject us. Acting out of fear triggers the familiar slew of inner self-doubt. 

    Overthinkers will recall the mental debate involving giving others the benefit of the doubt and questioning your every action or response during the interactions. This plays over and over in our minds. “Why do they not seem to like me?” 

    We are all afraid of something at some point, even if we deny it. Public speaking, trying something new, going to a new cafe, ordering at the cafe, talking to strangers, spiders or that very thing you are procrastinating. 

    Fear is the excuse which you can most easily justify and most deeply believe. 

    Fear Deprives Us More Than Defends Us

    If we are running away from a tiger, fear is a good thing. But beyond life-threatening situations, fear keeps us…us. We will never see who we can be and the life we can have without stepping out of this fear. 

    Fear deprives us of opportunities and possibilities because we refrain from such “risks”. That said, there is value in choosing to settle at some point when we know we have enough. But that’s a line finer than salt, and it is not one that is easily drawn. 

    I suspect I live with a lot of fear, more than anyone would care to admit. Most of it is not even rational – we just feel it. And something no one teaches us is how to deal with fear, or better yet, act in spite of it. So we just hold it in our minds and hearts, waiting for it to dissipate.

    Ernest Hemingway calls courage grace under pressure, not the absence of fear. If I had to believe an expert on “applied” courage, Hemingway is as good a choice as any. 

    Fear is not something we can eliminate, not as long as we are human. But we could all gain from a perspective shift when it comes to fear. We need not be graceful, but we can be courageous to try anyways. 

    I Was Afraid To Start a Community

    Staying in NUS LightHouse, something that caught my attention was how residents took initiative to form interest communities. The obvious ones were sports, media, baking, cooking and dancing. But there were some unique ones too like gardening and cat-care. 

    And then a sneaky idea popped up. What if I started a juggling community and taught other residents how to juggle and perform tricks? The first instinct was “wah, better not”. 

    But if you’ve ever had one of these “ingenious” ideas, you would know how hard it is to ignore it and hope it goes away. They basically don’t. With plenty of fear, anxiety and uncertainty, I initiated a juggling community and hoped for the best. 

    Who knows if it was going to be a flop? Or maybe a spectacular success? Trying something new scared me because this time, everything was public. Some part of me had the irrational fear that everything was going to go wrong and it would be far more difficult than I expected. 

    Like most irrational fears, that is not usually the case. So much of the fear lives in our mind and holds us hostage because the reality differs from our imagination. We get stuck in our own heads, thinking about the worst case scenarios and how others will judge us poorly. 

    We wish to maintain the way others perceive us, and so we let that stop us from doing something different. If there was a chance of losing some superficial external validation and “recognition”, we think we are no longer accepted or embraced or liked – and that feels incredibly intimidating and cold. 

    “Better not risk it.”

    Fortunately, it relieves me to say that this community is growing and was not a spark of fire that extinguished upon creation. 

    Juggling Practice In The Community

    Living With Fear, Not In Fear

    The good news about modern fear is that it reflects a psychological reaction more than a physical threat. With psychological reactions, we can always zoom out and identify what really makes us tick in fear. 

    Thinking about why we are afraid is stake-free. The “fear-setting” exercise in “The Four-Hour Work Week” allows us to write down exactly what we feel afraid of when confronting a certain goal in life. But ironically, most of us already know why – we don’t want to fail, and we don’t want to change things too much. 

    Procrastination is like driving towards a cliff edge, waiting to make a U-turn. There comes a point when it becomes too late. But we delay that choice.

    I try to remember that the irrational fear I have now will always be here. If I choose to avoid it now, I will likely end up never facing it. Waiting for fear to subside is a fool’s errand, so we might as well do it now. Chances are that you are afraid to do something precisely because it is worth doing.

    We cannot live without fear. We also cannot live in fear. So, we have to live with fear.

    Juggling Equipment Neatly Laid Out On The Floor
    I Am Glad I Went And Started This Even Though I Was Afraid

    Even with some discomfort in our gut, we should think twice before shying away from something new and unknown. Afterall:

    “We should always explore the thing that we are a little afraid of.”

    – Andrea Ghez

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    Hi! I’m Zac, the guy behind this serendipitous, quirky blog. I’m currently on a quest to find out more about myself – who I am and what life has to offer. This blog is my little space where I step out of my comfort zone to share my thoughts and life experiences. I hope you enjoy reading the weekly posts. Share them if you like, or not.

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  • My University Diaries: You Crave External Validation

    My University Diaries: You Crave External Validation

    Quirkbag Collection #63 – 11.10.26

    There’s this parody of a professor listing the things you need before entering university. Of the several things he said, only one stuck in my mind. He said to have a personal, non-academic benchmark for success by which you measure yourself. 

    Till today, I am still struggling to define what that means (I saw that video 2 years ago). Something feels amiss that all we are conventionally measured by performance, grades, resumes and eventually career and income. Supposedly, there is more to a person than those. 

    It can be tricky to navigate university with your secondary school or JC mindset – attention is not given to you anymore. Your tutor will probably not remember your name. Hell, they might just be your senior by 2 years.

    It becomes increasingly difficult to receive the same personalised treatment and recognition that more caring teachers used to give. 

    That spells disaster for those living off old-fashioned external validation. 

    The Rat Race (Is Only Beginning)

    There is a Mandarin proverb that goes “一山还有一山高”. It means there is always someone better than the previous and a higher level to attain. Simply, competition never ends.

    Like many (unknowing) students, I chased the goal of academic excellence because I believed that was my sole purpose and identity – to score well. But this is just another version of a rat race, disguised as our opportunity to build a brighter future. 

    Make no mistake, the merits of academic excellence are undeniably real – awards, scholarships, letters of commendation. Sometimes you might win awards you did not know existed. But just as clearly, there is a line to be drawn between striving for excellence and striving for perfection. The former a conscious and healthy endeavour, the latter a surefire way to personal and emotional catastrophe. 

    Chasing grades can quickly be confused as chasing validation – after all, good grades are praised and poor ones are usually frowned upon. Somewhere along the way, we buy into the belief that getting good grades means being a good student, one that people will like and validate us accordingly.

    Not all of us might be lucky enough to have someone explain the nuances (let alone in a way a 12-year-old might understand).

    Worst still, we believe that seeking this external validation is all that we are, all that we should strive for. But what about all those who are not the top percentile? Are they getting validated? 

    The Curse of External Validation 

    Alright, calling it a curse might be too strong, but it sure as hell is not ideal. While we are comfortable with the idea of “people-pleasing”, there seems to be comparatively less understanding of the effects external validation has on us. 

    “People-pleasing” is casually used to describe our tendencies to go the extra mile while doing things we rather not do just out of our desire to satisfy someone else’s request. I would say that comes from refusing to say “no”. Perhaps it is easy to associate our behaviour with “people-pleasing” whenever we feel uncomfortable or reluctant doing something, but is it really because we want to please people? 

    Most Asian kids (yes, probably you and me both) are used to doing the bidding of our parents, teachers and other authority figures. We’re accustomed to act in a way that “pleases” them and eventually associate the “right” behaviour with those same “pleasing” ones. 

    We unconsciously grew used to external validation, and rarely ever thought about internal validation. Here’s where it gets trippy. 

    External validation has taken root in our lives so much that we fail to notice how we might act under its influence. It feels instinctive. But it comes from a place of seeking external validation – to continue feeling assured that we are accepted and have value. That we are worthy. 

    What might be truly insidious is how this “operating procedure” now exerts influence over the way we see ourselves – a result directly correlated to how we think others see us. If we receive external validation, it boosts our “internal validation”, and vice versa. What a torturous roller coaster. 

    How soon can we get off this roller coaster? 

    How Old Is Your Identity?

    For many of us, we cling to the identity we had from several years ago. We feel most comfortable with this “outdated” version of ourselves. Rather than re-inventing who we are, adapting our old self to a new environment feels more achievable. Yet, it might not be as useful in the long run. 

    Growing up, I knew that eventually my identity had to change as I moved toward JC and eventually the army. But where and how are where things get hairy. Instead of changing my identity and self-perception, it felt comfortable being who I was. 

    But clinging to an old identity when your phase of life has changed usually fails. The environment eventually forces a change – new growth. Like it or not, we are forced to accept the new us – someone busier, with more responsibility, new lifestyle or someone with bigger problems. 

    We do not want to change. We like our old identity. Worse still, shaping a new one takes work and is scary. That’s why it might feel incredibly uncomfortable when change is forced rather than inspired.

    Old Me Would Never Have Made Milo While Working In A Quiet Room

    Brad Stulberg talks about this in his book Master of Change, in which he demonstrates how we should hold a set of values and principles to guide the gradual shift in our identity even as the environment and life changes. Like a riverbank that restricts the flow of water, our values and principles retain the core of who we are, while letting everything else shift and grow to develop our new identity. This way, we get the best of both worlds unless we consciously choose to change the core values. 

    Of course, if it sounds hard, that’s because it kind of is. 

    Our Perceived Self-Worth

    A branch of psychology derived that all individuals seek to be of value, to find their standing among people. Whether through contribution at work, class projects (yes, even answering a question), assignments or just helping someone, we all seek to exert influence to satisfy this human need for being “important”. 

    Ironically, stoicism contradicts this as one key pillar maintains that we are all mortal and our existence is infinitesimal in comparison to everything else. What influence we think we have is merely an inconsequential action on a cosmic scale. Nothing that we do will actually be “important”. Yet, in the very myopic lens through which we see our lives, some of our actions can be life-changing. 

    Struggling to reconcile the contrasting ways to think about life can create an inner tension that places our self-worth and value in the balance. Outside of academics, there exists a slew of intangible but nonetheless crucial signs of a “good life” or “good person”. Kindness, empathy, love, generosity, creativity. All the things we teach our young toddlers but eventually neglect when formal schooling begins. 

    Finding out who we believe we are and what defines our value as a person is more reflection than research. It is something we have to discover and decide, and not depend on external response. 

    Holding a place in any established university can quickly reveal how comparisons directly influence a student’s “worth”. Being constantly measured against others, there is little room for finding other intrinsic measures of worth. 

    The key question that gets buried? Is your self-worth truly defined by yourself? 

    Validation As A Human, And Student

    University is a very different place of education. It’s eerily laissez-faire, so much that it leaves me wondering just how smart or obsessed some peers really are for NUS to hold its ranking.

    As a student, the objective metrics of worth are academic grades and extra-curricular experience (I guess it always has been). But recently I wonder if there is any value in seeing a student for the person they are, rather than the results they produce. Instead of a resume, what about the story behind this student? Surely that is worth something.  

    How we choose to validate any student beyond the usual benchmarks might set a new generation in a different direction; one where self-worth is defined independently of external validation; where worth is more than just something we do, but who we are. 

    Seeking external validation is never wrong, but it should never be everything. At minimum, an equal amount of internal validation must be part of our self-worth. 

    Then, how do you define your internal benchmarks of success?

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    Hi! I’m Zac, the guy behind this serendipitous, quirky blog. I’m currently on a quest to find out more about myself – who I am and what life has to offer. This blog is my little space where I step out of my comfort zone to share my thoughts and life experiences. I hope you enjoy reading the weekly posts. Share them if you like, or not.

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  • My University Diaries: Is It Left or Right?

    My University Diaries: Is It Left or Right?

    Quirkbag Collection #62 – 04.10.26

    One of the best opening lines I heard in an Orientation Camp welcome speech was that “one of the challenges people don’t tell you about is navigating opportunities.” That line was stuck in my mind, mostly because I was skeptical back then and wanted to prove it wrong.

    I did not believe that there are so many opportunities that choosing become challenges. 

    As it turns out, he was right. I quickly saw how very wrong I was as the school term began.

    While this struggle to select may start taking its toll from university, I feel that it continues for the span of our lives. Choosing the opportunities to pursue not only eliminates every other opportunity, but it also sets you on a path of no return. Quite literally. 

    We don’t get to undo the choices we make, only the consequences (if we are lucky) and the time we spent is gone. Forever. 

    But perhaps there is more than meets the eye when we make our decisions, and by extension, our fate. 

    Like It Or Not, We Are All On The Bus

    Recently, I have felt very lost about the direction in which I am heading towards. Well, “recently” might be putting it lightly.

    Before starting school, I thought university would be the answer to my “lack of direction” – that somehow the environment would inspire me to work towards some grand magnificence at the end of the brick road in 4 years. Imaginations run wild and never disappoint. But romanticising university life is sunshine and rainbows until your head hits the pillow at night. 

    On some level, we all know that university is a stepping stone to get us to another place – a stable job, higher income, better internships and more. Sure, we have some fun along the way, but everyone would agree that university is hardly meant as an amusement park. Sometimes it just disguises as one.

    Being in university is like riding a bus. The terminal is graduation, towards which it drives endlessly. The interesting thing about this bus is that boarding it puts you in the driver seat, yet with very limited control. You only get to steer. No pedals or other controls. How you get to graduation is up to you; the routes, the scenery, the people, the bumps, slopes, bends all change based on your choices. Would you take this bus? 

    Taking the wheel is scarier than I thought. There is no one to fool anymore, except yourself. Everyone around you is on their own path, chasing an end goal after graduation. As much as we want to always walk the same path, it eventually diverges. We are left to our own devices and directions. 

    Finding Meaning Where There May Be None

    I think meaning is a very arbitrary construct in life, but one we often emphasize because meaning (or the lack thereof) heavily influences our lives. People with sharp purposes in life optimise every decision around it. Oftentimes, I catch myself wondering why I even bother doing certain things. And surprise surprise, the easy answer is “just because”. Great.

    But surely I am not alone. 

    More importantly, I think meaning is something we actively avoid as a question because it is too scary. Yes, with inflation and responsibility and the other nonsense that life throws at you, it seems almost luxurious to sit with a philosophical cap and ponder about whether what we do holds meaning. Fair enough. 

    But, life’s conveyer belt of nonsense never really ends…until it all ends. If we don’t know why we do what we do, and continue not to want to find out, then where are we headed? Could it be that one day we look up and fail to remember who we are?  

    There is something incredibly attractive (and intimidating) about an individual who has clear direction, clear motivation, and making their way there. Society is quick to slap them on inspirational posters. Afterall, they found their own sense of belonging. They found their “why”. What about us? 

    Having a purpose to optimise life around is something we can all aspire towards. I always imagine that when lifestyle and purpose align, there is this smooth catharsis where everything in the universe makes sense – a magical click. Perhaps that is a very naive expectation.

    Nonetheless, attributing meaning into our lives is how we find our personal satisfaction and peace with ourselves. If we fail to recognise it, the feeling of emptiness lurks. 

    University Is Just The Start

    University is both a theme park and an expressway – you can choose to explore, play, experience and have fun or purely focus on expediting your career, building a portfolio and trying to put a cat on the Moon (if that’s the next big thing). Neither are wrong. It only matters which you choose, and why.

    For the average joe like me (and yes, probably you too), it is hard to fall into either camp all the time. We can’t always optimise fun, nor work, unless you truly find fun in doing the work (in which case, congratulations, you hit the jackpot).

    At some point, we just wish to know if the work we are doing is sufficient to get us somewhere, preferably ahead of others (being competitive Asians and all) but still have some fun. 

    That’s where the left and right decision comes. If only we knew what we optimised our lives for. There is a silent assumption that university is where you should figure things out, and that if you are not figuring it out, or chasing some lofty ambition, you are not really “doing it right”.

    Afterall, who in their right mind pays 10K in annual fees just for some fun? 

    But it is precisely in not knowing our direction that we try to explore, and in exploring that we inevitably feel like we are adrift and heading nowhere. That brings us to choosing our direction.

    We find ourselves in this quicksand of paralysis, secretly hoping for some divine hint or enlightenment that will point us in the right direction. 

    It Feels So Complicated

    Perhaps part of the struggle in making decisions comes from our fear that it would change our identity. We are afraid to make decisions because it feels like there is so much at stake. Our choices might not be aligned to the person we are, or worst still, the person we wish to become. 

    The problem of making decisions is possibly further complicated if we don’t even know who we want to become. We are randomly trying and exploring. Eventually, there is an emptiness to it because we fail to get somewhere. Taking random “rides” in university seem fun, but to what end?

    Even theme parks close and we find ourselves stranded. (That line from the song “Closing Time” popped into my mind.)

    What then?

    It’s easy to think we can just follow others, or at least I did. Unfortunately, hearing their motivations and goals hardly inspires your own. You do not actually want the same thing as they do. Pretending you do is the start of an empty lie. Worse still, chasing the same thing as they do for the sake of it is a sure way to live a lie.

    Seeing others find their direction in university and life even intensifies your confusion, because you want to want something. You just don’t know what. 

    In consolation, I think the inner struggle to reconcile who you were, who you are and who you want to be is a positive sign of growth. Instead of mindlessly living a routine, there is a small ripple in the sea now. That ripple is the start of discomfort.

    I think the struggle will persist, until we find a direction that makes us feel alive, that gives us meaning, that we can confidently say is the direction we would choose given any other options.

    A Perspective Shift

    One of the best razors I heard for any struggle is that ultimately, none of it matters when our time is up. It is so easy to get bogged down by the minutiae of daily life – the next trivial thing, the next anxiety-inducing thing, the next small meaningless thing I have to do.

    We could all benefit from remembering the big picture occasionally. No, I don’t mean the lofty ambitious 10 year-plan, but the decades we have to grow and become another version of ourselves. 

    We can take things seriously, but maybe not too seriously. We are probably used to imagining some employer passing judgement on us as though all our self-worth converges to our achievements and experiences. In the long-term, it matters less than we think.

    I believed that a good life was a well-planned and well-executed one – with minimal “error”. 

    That phase is over. I’m not so sure anymore. 

    Are you?

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    Hi! I’m Zac, the guy behind this serendipitous, quirky blog. I’m currently on a quest to find out more about myself – who I am and what life has to offer. This blog is my little space where I step out of my comfort zone to share my thoughts and life experiences. I hope you enjoy reading the weekly posts. Share them if you like, or not.

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    Connect with me:

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  • My University Diaries: A Freshman’s Experience

    My University Diaries: A Freshman’s Experience

    Quirkbag Collection #61 – 27.09.26

    These days, I find myself repeating a catchphrase in my mind: “This is not the part of your life where you should be miserable.” That’s a mental cue I keep to remind myself of how I should be thinking about my daily life in university, especially when stress levels rise. 

    For a long time, I associated being in school with studying hard. Somewhere along the way, school became the place for me to do well, incredibly well, no matter the price. Unsurprisingly, I inflicted a lot of misery and stress on myself. (That did not help with my pre-existing feelings toward school.)

    But lately, some things have changed. Reading books on philosophy, productivity, life and time management, I find myself downloading a new ‘operating system’ for my life. Having left the peak of academic grind, I now spend more time figuring out how to live my life, a good life. Part of that is a decidedly new perspective on university – a complete flip of my previous approach. 

    The Lecturer Told Us to Rip a Paper to Emphasize Target Marketing and Segmentation; Pedagogy 101

    Instead of trying to mindlessly over-achieve on some arbitrary, superficial benchmark of “success”, defining what success and experience I want has taken centre stage. (I’m still working on that…) Of course, that comes with a new set of problems and frustrations.

    But perhaps the crux is that I still consider being here a win by itself, and that unlike my former years, university is meant to be the final, fun checkpoint for self-discovery and social thrill in a special environment. 

    Living Autonomously, Alone

    University is a huge change in life tempo. For all the coming-of-age movies featuring high schoolers moving into their college, parting ways with their old lives, they got at least one thing right – freedom. Maybe NUS does not have the insane parties like those colleges in Hollywood movies, but there is a newfound sense of freedom that brings both relief and anxiety. 

    Yes, your schedule is not fixed (depending on what events, communities or projects you join or undertake). Indeed, lectures are all in different venues, at various times, and the workload is always decentralised and pesky to track.

    You no longer make friends by default (out goes the Primary School mindset, sorry) despite meeting plenty of new people. 

    Freedom to try new things, meet new people or just “be an adult” is daunting. Spiderman’s story tells us that “With great power comes great responsibility”, but so too does great freedom. We might even struggle to navigate this newfound freedom. 

    But something hardly advertised on brochures is how unprecedented freedom may engender a gnawing but underlying sense of loneliness. No, it is not that the system isolates you from people. Nor does John from your Accounting module hate you.

    It’s a by-product of superficial encounters, created by the shuffling of students (aka you and me). It’s a cliche, but quality really means more than quantity. 

    You might have heard your parents or relatives say that “XX is where you meet your lifelong friends”. Take that with a pinch of salt. Maybe two. One other thing not plastered on signboards is that you get out as much as you put in – for classes, projects, friends and everything else.

    In understanding that, I realised just how limited my capacity for work really is. 

    Romanticise University Life: I Can’t Help It

    Nonetheless, it’s not a “bipolar-type” scenario where I am engaged and happy in the day but crumbling mentally and emotionally at night (though that may be true for some). But it’s not Walter Mitty’s life either.

    In the months leading up to university, I developed a rosy view of university – damn can those YouTube vlogs be alluring. I always felt that university was a place to find and live your best life, (though I now question: when is it ever not the right time to live your best life?) in what is a special and ephemeral phase of life. Expectations can be a deadweight sometimes. 

    University is an ecosystem for you to find your identity, providing platforms for you to grow. The caveat is that you have to be up for it, physically and mentally.

    It’s not difficult to realise even the most fun-packed, experience-filled 4 years will still only be a fraction of what university offers. You’ll need several lifetimes in university to “try all the rides” in this theme park. 

    Trying Out A Baking Community Session

    I doubt I’m alone in my romanticisation of university. Certainly, my reason is not unique. Part of it is to make up for lost time. Like a crashing building in an earthquake, I had the sudden realisation that youth is not forever and that this phase will eventually end.

    On some level we all know it, we all understand it, but we simply think we always have more time. The recent changes in my perspective led me to see how I missed out on “life”, being so academically pre-occupied previously. 

    Looking back at the past is easy, especially indulging in nostalgia and wistfulness. Someday, our current moments will become nostalgia material and perhaps we all ought to prevent them from becoming regrets.  

    The Compass of University: Your North Star

    The idea of university is a platform for further education jammed with experience and fun. Or at least that’s what I hope. It’s not always clear what to do in university without a clear purpose. 

    If you’ve been stuck choosing between rollercoaster queues, it’s practically the same thing. As a freshman, chaos is the beast I have to tame frequently. This beast resides in my Google calendar. Choosing what to do, when to do, how to do and with whom to do it is difficult.

    Everything feels right, but everything is not possible. What then? 

    Something I wish I learnt or realised earlier is that what you are “supposed” to do is not always the “right” thing to do, no matter the situation. But you should always do the right thing, in any situation. The “right” thing is not always intuitive. 

    Confusing “studying” and even “working” (which we are supposedly ingrained to do) is not always the “right” thing, at least not all the time. I have gone for a movie night despite having a tutorial to finish, because the “right” thing was not optimising every day for academia.

    The “right” thing was actively living a different life. That’s a difficult and uncomfortable choice to make.  

    Having a North Star to guide your decisions eliminates (or at least alleviates) the discomfort of dedicating your time, energy and even money to one thing instead of the opportunity cost. Optimising your choices for one goal – whether it is experience, fun, friends, portfolio etc – reassures yourself that this choice is not in vain.

    Even then, the discomfort can be palpable. But hey, that’s growth. Afterall, you can’t go through university treating it like JC or High School and expect a different experience. 

    Did You Remember To Make Friends?

    Just because Vin Diesel said “I don’t have friends” does not mean you should follow suit. Unless you can back it up with “I have family”. Making friends can be an elusive concept and activity now that people are all “grown up” and have “their commitments”. 

    Making friends was easy as a seven year-old because proximity and a lack of emotional filter were a deadly combo. So long as you went to class, you were almost guaranteed to make 1 friend. It could be with those kids who could not play soccer, or those kids who played the same video games. 

    Now, things are different. People are more guarded, more cautious, more self-driven to do things they prefer. Exercising their autonomy could mean sidelining you. Harsh, but true.

    Yet, it’s also the best place to meet new people because everyone in the ecosystem wants to “meet new people”. We seem to think that will cure our emotional void and spew rainbows in our lives. Not entirely true. 

    Making friends requires real connection. The simplest test is to remove the stimuli that created your encounter with each other. Without the thing that brought you together, do you still have any reason to meet them?

    Probably not, and another one “bites the dust”. Rinse, wash, repeat. 

    Perhaps what we look for in friends is something literally – people to sit with, to argue with, to steal food from, to share secrets with and maybe fall in love with. The price we seem to avoid paying is the emotional vulnerability and longevity of the relationship.

    So I guess we all could use a course in friendship. 

    University Is A Phase (That Will End)

    I never really stopped to consider if what I want out of life can indeed be attained through a university degree. Hell, I never even considered not going to university – it was always something I thought was a rite of passage. I would not even know what to do otherwise (which does not forbid well). 

    But as someone who never liked school (for the last 12 years of formal education), I always saw each year in passing as a stepping stone to the next. Every class was just one step closer to taking the exam, which determines the class I will go to next year.

    Clearly, I never really lived “the teenage life” – the gaming, partying, sneaking out, heartbreaks and everything else in between – I did practically the opposite. So perhaps the change in mindset is long overdue. 

    Regardless, the benefit of hindsight and nostalgia brings the unexpected benefit of foresight. If we could engineer our life choices to optimise for a more vibrant, experience-filled life, instead of a mindless, default one, hopefully we look back with more joy, fondness and nostalgia than what we feel now.

    Perhaps then, I would be convinced that I lived a good university life, well.

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    Hi! I’m Zac, the guy behind this serendipitous, quirky blog. I’m currently on a quest to find out more about myself – who I am and what life has to offer. This blog is my little space where I step out of my comfort zone to share my thoughts and life experiences. I hope you enjoy reading the weekly posts. Share them if you like, or not.

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  • Your Vague Discomfort In Life

    Your Vague Discomfort In Life

    Quirkbag Collection #60 – 20.09.26

    I once read that the hardest thing in anyone’s life was done at the moment they were born. When we were pulled out from the womb’s warm comfortable environment where food, water, air, and everything else we could possibly need were given to us. We were forced to adapt to a completely new living environment on our own, without warning or experience. To breathe on our own, eat on our own, speak, walk and eventually grow up. And yet, here we are, all individuals of our own being. The irony is that we never remember how uncomfortable, painful or even traumatic that experience was. Any discomfort we had simply faded into the abyss of our premature brains’ memory. Living as we do now is all that we know to be normal, as far as we recall. 

    Discomfort Is A Multi-Headed Beast

    Somewhere between the ages of 14 to 18, the talk about how discomfort is a good thing started becoming ubiquitous for me in school. Yet it was not a central focus but a peripheral one. It subtly sneaked itself into the mass education of students, reminding us every so often to embrace the discomfort. They say that discomfort helps us grow; that it builds character and resilience; that it prepares us for bigger challenges; that we are better for having faced it. But how much do we really learn about discomfort? 

    Discomfort is such a natural occurrence and feeling, even in modern life when the impetus for societal and technological growth is convenience, comfort and efficiency. Perhaps what they fail to emphasize is that discomfort takes many forms. Physical, mental, emotional, personal and even psychological. Some of the differences are subtle, but you kind of know it when you feel it. 

    If you are at the gym, discomfort is muscle fatigue. If you are in school, discomfort is talking to a new classmate (or a girl). Or if you are at work, discomfort is finding and grappling with the limits of your current skills. If you are facing a quarter or mid-life crisis (and that on its own is more than discomfort), a great deal of pain and struggle comes from the lack of direction and meaning in life. Clearly, no one size fits all solution exists to push past discomfort. 

    Yes, discomfort is a messy and convoluted experience that evolves with your situation. Surely you (and all of us) have been there. Worse still, you can be uncomfortable in multiple ways at once, leaving you confused, overwhelmed and probably incapacitated. 

    And yet, “we should embrace the discomfort”. 

    Discovering Discomfort In Life

    Discomfort is like a rare Pokemon, you cannot really place a finger as to where, when or how you might find it – but it just appears and catches you off guard most of the time. And usually it comes right as you least expect it. 

    Pokemon Cards (Something I Know Nothing About)

    “But what about when I order something off the menu and I ask a bunch of questions about it and I get this feeling in the pit of my stomach?”

    “Or when I have to give a speech in public?” 

    That is classic discomfort rearing its head as anxiety. We say “we’re scared” and “I’m nervous” but we never usually say “I feel discomfort”, even if that is what it is. Discomfort manifests itself in many ways throughout trivial and everyday moments in life. Some so small that we just neglect the feeling and normalise it like a passing rainfall. For some, that can be good news – a sign of adapting to overcome the discomfort through constant exposure and experience. 

    Sometimes, just sitting alone can be uncomfortable, especially if I take away your all-time favourite distraction device – your phone. Discomfort levels easily spike (try it if you are skeptical) when we no longer have that crutch. We have to live with our own thoughts and our surroundings. What a challenge for the average person in modern society, right?

    The Dreamer’s Dream – Delayed Gratification

    One of the bigger discomforts I face is the conundrum between choosing the future and living in the present reality. Choosing the future means sacrificing the present – whether that is in work-life balance or health and fitness. But living a life optimised for the future is rarely the way to achieve satisfaction or peace in the present, unless you have a truly clear and decided perspective of your life. And for a 21 year-old, I take it personally that I should just “figure it out”, especially if people in their 30s, 40s and 50s are still struggling. 

    The dreamer hopes to one day live their dream, but the dream can never become reality if the dreamer only ever dreams. Choosing the future over the present has a famous name – delayed gratification. Mainstream advice tells you about the children with marshmallows and the coveted benefit of higher academic achievements. But they never really mention the price of that choice. 

    Regardless of age or lifestyle, this is a perennial conundrum built into the nature of our existence. The discomfort that arises from that tension is partly due to our inability to have our cake and eat it too. How might we accept that our lives may never be lived to the fullest today because we are always focused on the future? 

    The children who resisted eating the marshmallow were “guaranteed” the reward of more marshmallows after a few minutes. Easy. But across our lives, how would we ever know if we will get to eat the other marshmallows? Or if we will even survive to see that marshmallow? 

    Ironically, delayed gratification is easier to visualise and accept in school, where there are guaranteed timelines for academic outcome when the “waiting” ends. 

    The Fisherman And The Business Owner

    Discomfort is not a mathematical equation. It cannot be resolved neatly. The emotional rollercoaster that comes with love and relationships is purely illogical and rarely understood. And all of us are in the same boat navigating the sea of discomfort. Choosing the future over the present, or vice versa, does not have a correct answer – both have price tags that all of us must pay. The discomfort may then never be resolved or removed because the conundrum exists so long as we exist. 

    The story of the fisherman and the banker is rather popular and relevant (maybe almost cliche) among the aspiring-entrepreneurs/founder-type people. The fisherman goes out to sea every day to catch fishes for himself and sells the rest for money to buy wine. He cooks his fish, enjoys his wine and plays music at night, enjoying the night before repeating this tomorrow. One day, a businessman observes his life and tells him that he should catch more fish in the day, sell all the extra, save the money to hire other fishermen and buy more boats so that he can eventually stop fishing himself while the others do it for him. The fisherman asks “What would I do then?” The businessman replies “Then, you can buy wine, play your music, and enjoy the night.”

    The discomfort of choosing the future over today may easily be analysed using a comparison of what actually changes in the future. If we have clarity over the life we really want, part of that discomfort fades because we know if we are headed in the right direction. There is no single cause of discomfort, but a lack of self-assurance and alignment of how we live our lives certainly plays a huge role. 

    Discomfort Has No Perfect Answer 

    School taught me how to always find a way to get the right answer, because the right answer is what matters. If you are like me, then you struggle with discomfort all the time, finding a definite answer where it does not exist. 

    Discomfort does not have an answer. It comes alongside change, uncertainty, new challenges and all the ugly stuff we never really want but face anyways. Indeed, it helps us grow and build ourselves, but it also sucks. 

    I hate the saying “be comfortable being uncomfortable”. We may be made to face challenges, but it does not mean we always have to be challenged. Discomfort is a part of progress in life. Sitting in the discomfort is how we may find a way forward or the parts of ourselves to improve. But it is also just an indicator as you choose whether to engage in the discomfort and work through it or simply avoid it. 

    So if you are facing discomfort, choose to move through it, or away from it. Either way, the sky shall not be collapsing. 

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    Hi! I’m Zac, the guy behind this serendipitous, quirky blog. I’m currently on a quest to find out more about myself – who I am and what life has to offer. This blog is my little space where I step out of my comfort zone to share my thoughts and life experiences. I hope you enjoy reading the weekly posts. Share them if you like, or not.

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  • Our Kindness and Unexpected Humanity

    Our Kindness and Unexpected Humanity

    Quirkbag Collection #59 – 13.09.26

    This week, something incredible happened. No, the sun still rose from the East, in case you were wondering. I received an email from my mathematics tutor in university in which he kindly thanked me and my friends for our participation and attention in class. Exactly, wow. In what can feel like an aloof and laissez-faire environment, the effort taken to express his appreciation felt so damn human – something we have perhaps forgotten to be. 

    Of course, this unexpected gesture surprised me (and made my day). It seems completely unusual that a token of appreciation would come out of nowhere from a tutor. Nonetheless, the message was both soothing for a heart aching from study and a peek into the powers of humanity – the social magic that kindness has. 

    The Easy Way Out

    I grew up with the well-intentioned cautionary tale – “stranger danger”. To steer clear; assume the worst. Of course, that made sense for a child. But as with all “operating procedures” that were imposed upon Asian kids, unexpected outcomes arise down the line. 

    The power of strangers lies beneath the surface of a single gesture of kindness. A chance encounter met with kindness can lead to all sorts of crazy, memorable experiences that you otherwise might never have had (think “Lost In Translation”). It almost hurts to know that being nice is a rarity, and more so when you think of the possibilities denied.

    Kindness is a choice to express our humanity, a small way by which we can feel slightly better about ourselves and our day. But we so often pick the other way out. It feels far easier to go with what we have been programmed to do – just mind our own business and give no damns about the people we cross paths with everyday. Out of sight, out of mind. 

    Fair enough, it may not entirely be our fault. We are the way we are now because of our upbringing. Perhaps then, we have to ask ourselves if denying our kindness and humanity still serves us in our lives. 

    Surely, we can share a little more kindness when we get a chance. More often than not, the people we meet in our everyday lives are just like us – so caught up in our own frustrations and errands that any disruption to our “heads-down, phone-out” routine feels uncomfortably weird. Gone are the days of spontaneously striking up conversations with strangers or charitably paying for someone’s coffee (not that we all should). 

    The Meet-Cute Irony

    When you really think about it, the swooning effect rom-coms have on us work partly because we fundamentally believe in the raw connection between strangers. Without believing that two strangers can find themselves in each other, that a relationship can somehow blossom from nothing, no rom-com meet cute would ever work (and many might complain about these unrealistic set-ups). 

    Setting aside feasibility and probability, some rom-com meet-cutes are also inspired by real life situations, just injected with creative liberties. But more importantly, when audiences balk at “rom-coms” these days being cringey, unrealistic, or even old-fashioned, just imagine how people used to meet! Yeah, that’s right – by chance, in real life, as strangers! 

    The convenience modern technology affords us might have misled us to think there is some sophisticated way to form connections without the friction of meeting strangers that requires our capacity for kindness (or friendliness). Try baking chocolate chip cookies without chocolate chips!

    Is people no longer expressing kindness to strangers for whatever reasons more concerning than people forgetting that kindness is how strangers become friends?   

    Again, I really see how technology can lure us apart physically. Somewhere along the way, our (addiction to) digital presence has obscured our humanity. The kindness required to overcome the barrier of unfamiliarity between strangers has been forgotten. We have forgotten how to be kind for no reason at the cafe, or the supermarket or the carpark. 

    What You Do Matters

    Kindness is a virtue, we all know that. Kindness is also a choice, some of us know that. But kindness is also social magic. Who knew? 

    Have you ever watched those YouTube street interview videos where someone goes up to random strangers and strikes up a friendly conversation? It might have been a social experiment or some pick-up line – well, that is just the Internet being itself. But beyond the entertainment value, some of us feel in awe of the confidence and empowerment for someone to do that. 

    And yet, that is all it takes to make “tribes”. What you do, really matters, to you and to them. 

    But kindness is not always obvious. Luckily, knowing a person over time allows us to infer their kindness. Alex Hormozi makes the distinction between being kind and being nice – where being kind can sometimes feel like a punch in the gut. 

    In many ways, we are nurtured by the kindness of strangers. The first time we met the teacher who would go on to believe and encourage us; the first time we met a classmate who would go on to be our best friend; the first time a stranger smiled at us and said “hello” along the corridor. In hindsight, we find that things could have been better, people could have been nicer. Yet, we could have been better, friendlier, kinder too. 

    Free Drinks Received From A Kind Stranger

    What you do matters. We always have a choice, to be kind just to be kind. To do right by us, by our values, by our friends, by humanity, even if it might hurt. Sometimes we lack the clarity to pick the right choice, but know that your kindness cannot be taken away, not unless you choose to abandon it. 

    Kindness Is Our Humanity

    Looking back at my initial reaction to receiving that email from my tutor, I see now that my surprise came from an acceptance that random gestures of kindness or appreciation are museum relics. Never would I have imagined that someone would take this initiative. That is both saddening and hopeful. 

    “Kindness is costless but also priceless” 

    Warren Buffett

    You might have read this before. Read it again. Humanity is a function of our kindness.  

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    Hi! I’m Zac, the guy behind this serendipitous, quirky blog. I’m currently on a quest to find out more about myself – who I am and what life has to offer. This blog is my little space where I step out of my comfort zone to share my thoughts and life experiences. I hope you enjoy reading the weekly posts. Share them if you like, or not.

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  • Our Wanting In Life

    Our Wanting In Life

    Quirkbag Collection #58 – 06.09.26

    “What do you really want out of life?” is a pretty scary question to stare at. Wanting things has become such a normal and large part of our lives that we begin to want things without knowing why. We just want. Sadly, the answer to this question is usually a blank face, followed by the perennially common answer – “money”. Are we really wanting the right things?

    Philosophy and stoicism give us some hope in navigating this question. I used to believe philosophy was a pretentious way of being educated. But stoicism, at least, provides some utilitarian comfort. One of stoicism’s lessons is that we should learn what to want based on whether it is the right thing to want. That’s wisdom. And some of us yearn sorely for it. 

    On Wanting Money

    It is hard to fault anyone for wanting to be rich. Afterall, we grew up slowly being brainwashed that money equals everything else we want in life. But that is not entirely true. Beneath the surface, money provides little non-material substance to life. The richest people are not the happiest, healthiest or most well-lived. They simply enjoy more luxuries and convenience than anyone else. 

    For some, wanting to be rich is a by-product of habitual sub-par life choices. Avoiding premium, higher-end items, services or experiences and going for the lowest cost, less than basic options gently primes the mind to want more money. Most of us grew up without learning to build a healthy relationship with money, and we are subtly influenced to see money the way our grandparents did – with a scarcity mindset, unfortunately. Times have changed.

    Growing up, most Singaporean families I know of adopted this approach, with the occasional exception. Of course, under dire circumstances, this makes sense. But through the lens of a life well-lived, scrimping over every last cent is not exactly the pointl. Or at least I doubt it should be. For most of us, we don’t actually know what we want, so we default to wanting more “money” – an enabler which we know having more of is a safe bet.

    Rather, what needs greater emphasis is that money is a means to an end, and not the end itself. In the end, we want to be rich because we want the security and ability to afford a certain lifestyle we find “ideal”. I would want money to create a life rich in texture. 

    The problem is, we kill ourselves trying to meet “ideal” and wind up emotionally and mentally enslaved by money, or the lack thereof. 

    On Wanting Wisdom 

    There’s a particularly gut-wrenching irony about wanting wisdom. The trade for wisdom is our cumulative experiences, painful and hard ones at that. Yet, it is the very thing which removes the burden of most common people. So logically, it seems that wanting wisdom means wanting more struggle. Strange, but true.

    Stoicism imparts that wisdom is knowing what is what and when to do what. It is judgement, discretion, but mixed with restraint. The presence of wisdom pays an invisible dividend – and it never ends, but instead grows with wisdom. 

    We observe this cliche in modern culture. Wisdom is always portrayed by some old Sensei with white hair, wearing a cloak older than time itself and having a disposition seemingly larger-than-life. Let this not confuse you to think that wisdom is reserved for old age. Wisdom is not a function of time, but a result of life. It just happens that it takes time as life unfolds. 

    Where does that leave us? Can we honestly obtain wisdom before we grow grey?

    Perhaps. “In the mild light of philosophy” is a phrase I picked up from Ryan Holiday’s book “Discipline Is Destiny” from the stoic series. It reminds me that philosophy is a reliable lens to use when considering our daily troubles, that what seems disastrous is merely disproportionately so even if it feels like the sky is falling. A first step in nurturing wisdom. 

    We may not obtain volumes of wisdom, but learning about others’ experiences and stories can go a long way. Choosing wisdom means a life of calm, restrained decision-making under your control and judgement, barring the opinions of others. More importantly, it leads us to find our own peace, with enough time. 

    On Wanting Happiness

    Everyone wants to be happy. By far the most popular wish made on birthdays, anniversaries, 11:11, 12:12(?), and other arbitrary moments, happiness is that elusive golden snitch. But can you define happiness? What does it really mean?

    Like money, happiness is the next most vague thing to want. It is a safe and politically correct thing to want. Indeed, how else would we want to live our life? Miserably? Undoubtedly, the debate of whether money brings happiness rages on. (We secretly know that money only gives security but stops short of fulfilling the “good life”.)

    The pursuit of happiness is perhaps harder than that of money. Money can be seen, happiness cannot. Money is concrete, happiness is not. We cannot neatly pack happiness inside a box because happiness is less of a feeling than a state. We don’t feel comfortable when we sit at our dining chair; not unless we compare that to squat sitting against the wall. Similarly, I doubt that happiness is an obvious state, unless we compare it to another. 

    So how do we know if we are happy? Well, the easiest answer is you don’t. At least not at the moment. Happiness is different. We only remember being happy in the past, with retrospection mildly tinted by nostalgia and wistfulness. But what about now? 

    Stoicism informs us that practicing gratitude and negative visualisation can help us appreciate our circumstances more. But beyond that, it is in knowing that we will not get the present moment or phase of our lives back that we must make the most of it. The sum of our life experience is less about how well we do, but how strongly, or even happy, we feel at the end looking back.

    On Our Wanting 

    For a very long time, I believed ‘wanting’ to be bad. It’s one of those stereotypical Asian beliefs that gets adopted subconsciously by virtue of the surroundings. Wanting is, if anything, the very reason why we pursue anything. Wanting more is why our life moves forward. It is exactly why we live in apartments and not caves. Modern society tricks us into having mimetic desires – “fake wants” – invented for the interest of others. 

    Wanting is human. The pursuit of more without sacrificing your own identity and values is good. Find what you really want. Just remember, wants become regrets if you are not careful. 

    “It’s the oldest story in the world. One day you’re 17 and planning for someday. And then quietly and without you ever really noticing, someday is today. And then someday is yesterday. And this is your life.” 

    ~ Nathan Scott, One Tree Hill

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    Hi! I’m Zac, the guy behind this serendipitous, quirky blog. I’m currently on a quest to find out more about myself – who I am and what life has to offer. This blog is my little space where I step out of my comfort zone to share my thoughts and life experiences. I hope you enjoy reading the weekly posts. Share them if you like, or not.

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  • Friendships Amid Life’s Serendipity

    Friendships Amid Life’s Serendipity

    Quirkbag Collection #57 – 30.08.26

    6 years ago, I just got Netflix for the first time. Back then, I had no clue how much my life would be shaped by the characters and stories there. So much of our lives are shaped by forces we cannot see, by decisions we forgot we made, and by the hands of serendipity. If there were a way to experiment and observe life, we would learn just how much serendipity occurs.

    But I guess the closest we will get is season 3 of “The Good Place” (which honestly is good enough for me). 

    What Are Friendships?

    Not all of us are part of a 6-people friend group who often gathers at a cafe under our apartment in the city of New York. Not all of us have a loose cannon oddball jester in the friend group called Kramer either. Most of us have to squeeze our calendar to meet old friends from different phases of our lives, let alone to meet new people and make new friends. Of course, consider yourself lucky if you have a standing social meet up regularly. But realistically, have we been overly romanticising friendship? 

    What defines a friend is completely subjective. Is it someone you always talk to? Someone that you text everyday? Or is it someone that you share a flat with? What about best friends? Or are there just friends in a group? 

    Friends are like books. The more you have, the more space required. Eventually, you run out of space and time to store and fully relish in them. Fortunately, books’ value lie not in their volume but in the life-changing substance they offer. The best friendships are the ones that give you hope; that offer you solace when the world fails to provide; that lights a small candle flame in the dark night. It can be someone to sit silently with, being present in the moment. 

    The Beginning Of Another Friendship Starts With A Moment Shared

    If anything, friendships are not collectibles. It’s easy to look at classic sit-coms and wish we all had friends like Friends. Indeed, how fun that would be. Reality can be brutal when it comes to friendships. Without tending to (newer) friendships like a small fire, a gust of wind is all it takes to extinguish the friendship. Before we know it, what we thought were (strong) friendships are just people we used to know.  

    What Does It Take To Hold A Friendship?

    With the few treasured friends we have, how do we keep them? Surely, we cannot let serendipity have its way with a budding new connection or one that has borne fruit.  

    Friendships used to be easy in Primary school. You sat next to someone and if you both played the same video game, the same sport or took the same school bus, you made a new friend in a week. You would meet daily in class, and the friendship blossomed.

    I used to get the advice that “secondary school is where you make life long friends”. But that comes with a caveat: if you choose to lean into serendipity. The older we get, the more control we have to seal ourselves off personally and emotionally. We no longer bond as freely as we did as kids. Without leaning into serendipity and connecting with someone new, there will always be a perimeter around you distancing yourself from others. If you so choose, no one makes it past the perimeter. Slowly, superficial connections fade and drift into the abyss. 

    We wonder what happened to those “friends” we used to talk to. Especially as an adult, proximity is an advantage we no longer have and school, believe it or not, is a luxury platform we no longer belong in. We are on our own, with serendipity. 

    These days, friendships take up energy, like most relationships do. But hopefully you picked the right people so the relationships give more energy than they take. They say the best relationships take work. Indeed, it takes work to prevent the forces of reality from pulling people apart, just as these same forces created your one-in-a-billion encounter. To hold a friendship requires mutual effort and both sides need to recognise this. 

    Serendipitous Friendships and Their Fate

    Imagine you meet someone the way Kate Beckinsale did in Serendipity, just by sheer chance of picking the same glove as another stranger. Setting fiction aside, we tend not to notice the way serendipity occurs in our lives. Sure, we call “luck” at play, but really, they are but two faces of the same coin. We all experience serendipity and it nudges our lives in a slight direction. But one small nudge can go a long way, as Serendipity shows. 

    Serendipity is a quirk of the universe. It holds us in its palm, waiting to subtly influence us. The magic, however, lies in whether or not we take action after knowing about its presence. What do we do once we learn the odds are stacked against us? That the chance encounter might be once in a lifetime? People in our lives come and go. The truth is we never really know who are ones that will stay for a long time, until that long time has passed. Suddenly conversations revolve around key words like “those days” or “back then”.

    The ironic part about serendipity is that we have to play the cards we are dealt and yet, we barely get to choose what happens with those cards. We wish we could secure friendships with the new people we meet, to seed friendships into fruition. But in reality, the most we get is “Hello” and “Bye” – “Hi-Bye” friends. These are the ghosts of our friendships from serendipity.

    Setting aside the feasibility of maintaining huge numbers of friendships, one can only imagine how much more diverse and interesting life would be if we experienced just a fraction of all these serendipitous connections. We never know where we would end up just by the friendship with one new person. 

    The Tapestry of (University) Life

    Our lives take funny turns. You never know when you might meet a new person who would become someone important. The tapestry of life is just that – a series of coincidences interwoven with our actions to create our experience in this world. Of course, we choose our actions and we decide our direction. But all that happens in the context of an environment hardly of our choosing. The rest that comes along is serendipitous and a lesson to be learnt. 

    University is a great place to meet new people. It is a very exclusive and special phase of 4 years when being a “student” confers some unique advantages. People see potential in you and invitations to events are plastered. Committees are open to applications, communities need members. Social circles overlap like lunar eclipses, except far more frequently. Serendipity is at an all-time high should you choose to lean into it. 

    The culture is such that you never know who you might meet at any point in time, doing something you never thought you would be doing. It is anyone’s guess where that would lead you in life if you let serendipity broaden your horizon. Again, only if you choose to drop the perimeter and lean into it. 

    Perhaps the greatest twist is that serendipity can work its magic over years. What might appear trivial today could be the very experience you draw on years later. A reunion with someone you have yet to meet might be in order 15 years from now. Reconnecting with someone you met last week 10 years later might set your life in a new direction. For all the people we never meet, or the serendipity we never had, we just might deny ourselves the fine tapestry life has to offer. 

    Friendships Age Like Fine Bordeaux

    Not all wines are created equal, everyone knows that. Friendships are not all created equal either. Sometimes, we come to the end of a friendship’s lifespan (and yes, regrettably so). No one knows when that might be, but an amicable goodbye (or until next time) is a friendship well-lived. 

    For the lucky ones, we have best friends, friends of decades. These are friendships that have aged like fine wine, growing stronger and deeper than ever. And yes, once in a while we look back and think “it’s been a long way since…” Nostalgia is a good sign of a long-lasting friendship. Like a good book, it changes your life and you always go back to it.

    Just as how fine wine is not fine because there is an infinite source of it, a friendship’s beauty is not in its immortality. Instead, it is knowing that friendships will not be forever that makes every moment spent, every experience shared and every story told all the more precious.

    The beauty of friendship is in the being. 

    It is fate that we met; it is up to us to make the most of it.

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    Hi! I’m Zac, the guy behind this serendipitous, quirky blog. I’m currently on a quest to find out more about myself – who I am and what life has to offer. This blog is my little space where I step out of my comfort zone to share my thoughts and life experiences. I hope you enjoy reading the weekly posts. Share them if you like, or not.

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  • On Life’s Infinite Opportunity Cost

    On Life’s Infinite Opportunity Cost

    Quirkbag Collection #56 – 23.08.26

    My second week in university just ended. Time truly flies and with it go our lives. I used to think 4 years was a long time. Secondary school felt pretty long back then but feels like 10 minutes in my memory. Recently, the 4 years in university has begun to feel like a really short period. With the countless opportunities readily available, the possibilities are endless. Precisely so, the opportunity costs to every decision and commitment are monumental. How could anyone choose just a few things to try and do, when you feel so compelled towards so much else?

    Enter decision-making. Enter the one-way doors. Here lies the conundrum of having options. There is a bittersweet illustration of this from Sylvia Plath in the metaphor of a fig tree. 

    The Fig Tree Of Life

    Before introducing this (somewhat) classic piece of text, I should say I am no literature expert. I do, however, appreciate the deeper sentiment behind the words, as all humans should. 

    Sylvia Plath wrote,

    “I saw my life branching out before me like the green fig tree in the story. From the tip of every branch, like a fat purple fig, a wonderful future beckoned and winked. One fig was a husband and a happy home and children, and another fig was a famous poet and another fig was a brilliant professor, and another fig was Ee Gee, the amazing editor, and another fig was Europe and Africa and South America, and another fig was Constantin and Socrates and Attila and a pack of other lovers with queer names and offbeat professions, and another fig was an Olympic lady crew champion, and beyond and above these figs were many more figs I couldn’t quite make out. I saw myself sitting in the crotch of this fig tree, starving to death, just because I couldn’t make up my mind which of the figs I would choose. I wanted each and every one of them, but choosing one meant losing all the rest, and, as I sat there, unable to decide, the figs began to wrinkle and go black, and, one by one, they plopped to the ground at my feet.”

    From “The Bell Jar” by Syvia Plath

    Every fig represents a potential future we choose from.

    We cannot escape the reality that indecision is a decision. For better or worse, reality unfolds mercilessly regardless of our intention and in it, we get only to choose our own responses. Having options brings benefits only to the extent we exercise those options. In merely keeping the options open, but never really using them, we might as well never have had them. 

    Going Fig-Picking 

    The idea behind the whole fig tree is that we all have infinite potential that begins to wane as time passes. Obviously, the struggle to fulfill all possibilities is futile. Being human, we have to accept that our short lives are the sum of several figs which we picked. There is a beauty in seeing a fig tree blossom, and some might extend that to the withering of a fig tree. 

    We cannot choose how life finds us. But I would like to believe we are walking our own way to find some future version of ourselves; a version we aspire to be, look up to and be satisfied with. 

    Seizing opportunities can sometimes resemble catching chickens. One in hand is better than two in the bush. Of course, finding out what opportunities are worth pursuing is part of the challenge, one that is complicated because we cannot pick all the figs in the tree. Deciding to pick, and then picking, is by definition living your life. 

    Part of this process is deciding which figs are worth giving up. We are told more often in modern society that we should challenge the limits. It sounds great in theory, but when the rubber meets the road, reality distorts much of what we expected. Choosing to fulfill our potential in one domain to become some finer version of ourselves includes accepting the trade-offs and opportunity costs of not fulfilling another potential in a different domain.

    We cannot have our cake and eat it too, at least not at the same time.

    A Paragraph From An Article On Medium: Credit

    Some paths in life are mutually exclusive. But you can take these paths in succession. You can always try it for a season and revert back, unless you chose a one-way door. In that case, pick the fig well. 

    Juicing A Fig 

    In deciding which path to take, or the person we want to become, we eliminate every other alternative. The opportunity cost has been incurred, but hopefully in return for the fig we have chosen – the most important thing right now. 

    Yet, since our choices are so limited, it seems natural that we should maximise every available opportunity or option to fully “juice the fig”. How could we not juice it dry? How is that fair to the alternate versions of ourselves had we chosen other figs? 

    We will never know our true potential. We only know we get one shot at life, no do-overs. Does it not sow the seed of regret should we half-ass something we know we had the chance to make successful? Do we not owe it to ourselves, and even the world, to become that finer, if not finest, version of ourselves in that particular fig? 

    Seizing The Moment To Enjoy The Plane Ride; Life Always Feels On Pause At 30 000ft

    Juicing the fig is practically all art and no science. It merely takes a gut feeling to know when we have pursued the endeavour, or juiced the fig, till the end. And if we get there, we can move on to the next fig knowing it is not to be regretted. Perhaps that, stacked over a lifetime, is a life well-lived. 

    Reconciling The Mess Of Everything All At Once

    I was reminded, quite poignantly, that it is almost guaranteed that we will graduate with a degree from university and that it is what we choose to do beyond that in our 4 years that defines our experience. Beyond that degree, the world is our oyster. Beyond that degree, there is who we are as a person. 

    It is logical to conclude that we should only focus on the one or two possibilities we really want in our lives rather than fret over the infinite “ifs”. And yes, there is an infinite number of “ifs”. 

    Indeed, figuring out who we want to be and what steps to take towards it sometimes feels like driving with a blindfold on. But spending time thinking without trying becomes paralysis. More realistically, it is easy to get overwhelmed by the gritty details and tentacles of the current problem that we get bogged down into the weeds, forgetting the whole fig tree. 

    University is not all sunshine and rainbows as one might romanticise. The problems are hairy and the pressure can (and perhaps has) create diamonds. It can be torturing, soul-crushing, slow and grimy, and even takes our last bit of energy to pull through. And so it is easy to blame and hate the circumstances. But it is not the end. 

    Perhaps we owe ourselves the reminder that “this is not the part of our life that should feel miserable”, even if it sucks right now. I know I do, especially in university. There is no worse injustice I can do to myself than treating an opportunity like a punishment. It is one thing if the system drives us up the wall; it is another to drive ourselves insane chasing an arbitrary phantom goal to win an unwinnable game. 

    An Ode To Gratitude

    There are countless times when I asked myself if everything leading up to this had been worth it. All the studying and sacrifices that created my current life trajectory. Truth is, we would never know what the alternative is like because we cannot run experiments. Now that I live some version of a “happily ever after”, the past feels easy to write off. 

    One thing we all feel is that there is more we should achieve. That the grass is greener on the other side, no matter how green ours is. With this comes a burning sense of yearning and inferiority, even jealousy, of others living our opportunity costs and “what ifs”. But again, there are infinite ifs. 

    Stoicism teaches us gratitude by imagining our lives to be worse than it is now, almost like a cruel way to gain perspective. We may not have everything we want. And we never will. But maybe we do have everything we wanted 5 years ago.

    And that, perhaps, is encouraging enough to keep going while learning to be content.

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    Hi! I’m Zac, the guy behind this serendipitous, quirky blog. I’m currently on a quest to find out more about myself – who I am and what life has to offer. This blog is my little space where I step out of my comfort zone to share my thoughts and life experiences. I hope you enjoy reading the weekly posts. Share them if you like, or not.

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  • Starting University Life As A Freshman in NUS

    Starting University Life As A Freshman in NUS

    Quirkbag Collection #55 – 16.08.26

    The long-awaited “D-Day” finally came. University classes began this week. What supposedly seemed like “an eternity” of freedom (the last 8 months) now feels like a flash of a second. The blog started as a means of finding myself, who I want to be and who I can be. While I wish there was a clear answer that I can neatly wrap up with a bowtie, life’s answers are never that way. 

    Reality Hits Like Cold Water At 5am

    You know that feeling when something feels distant, far in the future, until it suddenly hits? Right as reality sinks in, your mind just gets defibrillated. If you have been doused with cold water in the wee hours, it feels almost the same. You cannot believe everything that just happened. Or, in my case, everything in the 8 months that is now over. 

    I still remember the first day of freedom after leaving the army. It was strange being a civilian again, not having the same weight on my shoulders. Now, it is incredibly strange being a student again, after 2.5 years. 

    Starting university does not feel real. It feels like a myth, some lore spread through word-of-mouth. There is a surreal atmosphere to being in “that phase of life”. It just sort of happens, and then you only realise it when the bucket of cold water hits you. 

    A Very Iconic University Picture – Inside Packed Lecture Theatres

    That bucket has landed. I am now in that phase of life. 

    University Life – Adjustments Are Required

    I major in Industrial and Systems Engineering – a niche few have heard of and even fewer who truly understand it (that excludes me, the undergraduate actually taking the degree). I also have campus accommodation, which makes heading to classes more convenient. 

    For those who have lived independently from their home (mainly the guys who served NS), living on campus feels oddly familiar, albeit being more comfortable. The rest that have not may experience some “home-sickness”, a small issue that shall be eclipsed by the academic and non-academic tasks and activities. 

    Outdoor Movie Night With Free Supper – Student Life Stuff

    Besides a whole new system through which lessons are scheduled and timetables created, the biggest consideration to be had is transport. Going to different locations on different days (which changes based on even/odd weeks) will become a new headache. Unlike secondary school or JC, teachers no longer enter your class. Everyone moves around like a massive game of musical chairs – not particularly fun under the hot sun. Once you have planned your commutes, you will then need to consider meals – to eat, to skip, to cook, to buy. No one is giving you reminders on that. 

    Adjustments to the new way of life is required, not to mention for studying. However, I would not recommend taking advice from a 1-week old freshman on how to study for university courses. You have been spared from reading that would-be nonsense. 

    On Being A Freshman at NUS

    Last week I woke up at 6.30am when on campus, partly due to my low-quality sleep. I prepared to have breakfast early, so that I can head to the gym earlier in the day before working on the academic burdens. 

    Heading into university can feel like taking a step onto the moon. It’s uncharted territory, and as always, filled with whispered rumours and myths. Most of them are twisted recounts, the rest are fiction. University is definitely complicated, a maze of opportunities and mirrors. But perhaps what is not mentioned enough in those romanticised content is how confusing and uncertain things can get. 

    Your emotions are tied to the level of your understanding of the university system, and it can be a roller coaster. Not knowing how to navigate the system and the 4 years is incredibly frustrating. Attend orientation camps for your ease of transition. Being a clueless freshman is painful enough, isolating yourself adds fuel to the fire. 

    Being a freshman, and I do suggest reading this with a pinch of salt, is the kind of scary that you will reminisce about when you are a senior facing graduation. The world of university is probably far less scary to a freshman than the real working world is to the graduate. (I don’t doubt there shall be a post on this in 4 years should I continue with this blog.) 

    Surely, this is the time to explore and figure out the kind of university life you want. There is no better time to try than as a freshman, and I suppose no better time than now. As the last real checkpoint before the “real” working world, the opportunity to live and explore is about as precious as one might imagine. 

    Is University All People Make It Out To Be?

    Romanticising university life is a tradition upheld by the surge of well-edited YouTube vlogs. Is it real? Yes, they are, but only for them. Will your experience be more boring? Yes, but only if you compare it to their lives. 

    Everyone’s university life is different, even those taking the same degree or major. One of the biggest differences between university and the rest of formal education is the autonomy of creating your own experience. Opportunities and events are bombarded at you, waiting for you to pick. Everyone’s life looks different, and your choices shape the university experience. It may not be as glamorous (depending on which university) as they romanticised, because you are likely not a YouTube content creator. 

    Being In A Typically Crowded Canteen During Lunch Peak

    I wish university life guaranteed romanticised fun and adventure. Life would be easier sitting through a programmed experience. But so much of it is shaped by our choices. More accurately, university life is the platform for that fun and adventure.

    Looking Back; Looking Forward

    We look back to our younger school days, pining over the “simpler” life. But maybe we need a reminder that we do have the “simpler” life today compared to 5 years from now. Despite the fear that things are overwhelming, that I might crumble under the chaos, a small part of me knows that this is the best of schooling life; one to be lived to the fullest. 

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    Hi! I’m Zac, the guy behind this serendipitous, quirky blog. I’m currently on a quest to find out more about myself before Uni begins – who I am and what life has to offer. This blog is my little space where I step out of my comfort zone to share my thoughts and life experiences. I hope you enjoy reading the weekly posts. Share them if you like, or not.

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